4 steps to feel better with yourself
Many times we forget that, if personal relationships are already complicated, sometimes the really difficult thing is to relate to oneself.
And it is that feeling good about yourself is, for some people, a practically unattainable goal, something that seems even more unlikely than learning the most complex skills. At the end of the day, while to learn how to play chess or complete a university tournament, the steps to follow are quite clear, it is not the same with the arduous task of repair our self-esteem .
In this article we will see a proposal of several steps to follow to feel better with yourself , with examples and indications.
- Related article: "Low self-esteem? When you become your worst enemy"
Feeling better about yourself is possible
In the world of the human mind few things are immutable, and the seemingly more persistent feelings of self-contempt can disappear if we learn to see ourselves with different eyes.
To do this, you must change both your thought patterns and your way of relating to the environment and to others. This double way of action, focused on beliefs and actions , is the basis of cognitive-behavioral therapies, and although the fact of not going through the consultation of the psychologist makes the chances of success are reduced, it is still worthwhile implementing these strategies on a day-to-day basis.
1. Review your attribution style
People with self-esteem problems tend to attribute their achievements to luck or to others ; in short, to elements that are not part of the merit itself. At the same time, they believe that most of the bad things that happen to them are their fault, even though the cause-effect relationship is not clear.
So, before the question of "how do I feel better about myself?" You should start by reflecting deeply on your attribution style in those cases in which things that are significantly good or significantly bad happen to you. The ideal thing would be to do it as usually as possible, but as surely you will lack time and energy to be applying it all the time, it is better to go to the practical and do it in the most special cases . Over time, you will automatically lose the need to do so.
For example, if they congratulate you on a university project, it is much more reasonable that this is thanks to your merits because it is good for the person you evaluate (simply because most evaluators do their job). In the same way, it is very common for battered people to believe that these attacks are their fault, although this obviously is not the case.
- Perhaps you are interested: "Theories of causal attribution: definition and authors"
2. Practice compassion
If you have problems accepting yourself, you may be applying very rigid expectations to those beliefs about what you should be and you're not . For example, there are millions of women who blame themselves for not looking like women who literally do not exist, since they are unrecognizable models after going through a layer of computer image editing programs.
So, in the same way that you empathize with other people, practice compassion with yourself, and accept that you do not have to be subject to or subject to tyrannical behavioral conditions. It is not obligatory to adapt perfectly to those ideals that we have, simply to tend to them, if that is what we want. For it, spends 5 minutes a day to reflect on whether your "ideal self" is reasonable or not , and if you try to look too much like that person that only exists in your imagination.
- Related article: "What is" the Self "in Psychology?"
3. Love your apparent imperfections
Reality is too complex to be divided into "good" and "bad". Of course, there are situations in which it is clear that something is right and its opposite is not, but this does not always happen, because the world is not made to fit into categories of thought so hermetic and bounded.
One of the consequences of this is that what we think are our own imperfections do not have to be .
In fact, some people love those personal characteristics that others would be ashamed of. For example, the uninhibited nature of those who do not have complexes but live in strongly conservative societies, or even wrinkles, that in a context in which discrimination against mature people is generalized, can be seen as a positive aesthetic value, since a sign of experience.
In the same way, there are hobbies and traits "very own" that can be adorable or charismatic if we stop seeing them as failures in oneself: obviously, if we are ashamed of them, it shows , and the rest of people will act as if indeed those characteristics were something bad.
4. Dedicate yourself to what you like
One of the most common causes why people have difficulty accepting themselves is that they think they are wasting their time. To avoid this, the solution is to reinvent . Work to reach a situation in which we can dedicate ourselves to what we love. If we do this, we can even be proud of the path we take to reach that fucking life, even if we have not reached it yet.
Orient yourself towards the action. Avoid nagging yourself with negative thoughts, which in practice are no more than an excuse for not improving, and concentrate on directing your action to do things that you really feel that make you grow. Create reasons to feel proud to be who you are, in your situation and with the means you have.
