Dealing with "difficult children" and disobedient: 7 practical tips
It is a fact that childhood seems a stage specially designed to build human beings with little attachment to social norms and taking responsibility.
It makes sense that this is the case, since in this moment of life it is more important to know what the world is like than to learn to fit perfectly into it, even though it is not yet known at all. But nevertheless, this may mean that in many parts of the world there are millions of adults dealing with young people who need rules to live but at the same time they are very reluctant to follow them.
How to educate a complicated child?
This is, up to a certain point inevitable: all the children carry within them the rebellious spirit typical of someone who wants to explore everything that is not covered by the explanations of adults. However, this does not mean that there are not certain attitudes and strategies to make the education of the little ones more bearable.
Here you have 7 tips that can be useful to improve your way of relating to disobedient children.
1. Reserve a time to communicate with them
Nobody likes to follow rules that are not meaningful. Therefore, the delimitation of what can and can not be done must be accompanied by the explanation about why these standards are useful . You can put concrete examples to illustrate more easily the dangers that are avoided with certain rules, for example, or the advantages of following certain steps when doing things.
2. Emphasize the positive
It is very useful to let children know how well they are doing certain basic rules and recognize their efforts when they are applied to comply with the rules. This, in addition to helping to strengthen ties with them, influences the image they have of themselves and will make them assume they are people who are good at following certain discipline exercises. In this way, the possibility of breaking the rules will lose appeal.
3. Do not show discrepancies or inconsistencies
The rules are useful if they are well established. Because, adults should not question these rules in front of children , since the idea that no norm has to be adequate could be generalized to all of them. In the same way, it is best not to make these behavioral guidelines change if there are no good reasons for doing so.
4. Do not always look for the origin of the problem in the boy or girl
Some rules, simply, they are inadequate . They may be very difficult to follow, not be well justified or not conform well to the goal to which they are oriented. The youngest of the house are curious and active by nature and it is usually hard for them to follow the behavioral guidelines that adults give them: that is why it is convenient that they are appropriate.
5. Discard the prizes as much as you can
The rules should not be held in awards , since these shape a type of extrinsic motivation . Ideally, children see as positive the first fulfillment of these rules, either because it reinforces their self-esteem or because they find it stimulating to meet these mini-objectives.
6. Do not respond to your tantrums more aggressively
Addressing episodes in which a child externalizes their anger should not cause the same type of anger in us. In these situations, the behavior of a caregiver or educator should be geared towards the education of the other person , instead of taking advantage of that context to release tensions (something that the child does not do for anything we do). For this reason, it is best to try to calm him down, for example, by embracing his body, and wait a while to address the issue of rules and duties. In this way you will address these issues at a time when you are both receptive.
7. Accept that there are things about them that you can not change
Education is partly to help young people to develop well in the real world and understand the functioning of the culture that surrounds them. But nevertheless, that does not mean that to educate it is necessary to file all the edges of the boys and girls to the point that they conform perfectly to the exemplary son archetype. If you are the father or mother of these children, admit that in each son or daughter there are aspects that can not be controlled can make paternity or maternity something more bearable.
One more tip: learn the importance of promoting healthy self-esteem in your child
When the child has a balanced and positive self-concept about himself, he is able to face daily life in a much healthier way. For the child to enjoy this good self-esteem it is very important that parents have certain techniques and habits in mind.
You can discover it by reading this post: "10 strategies to improve the self-esteem of your child"
