How to return to feel love for your partner as the first day
Many of the people who have been immersed in a relationship for a long time arrive at a point where they feel how that illusion proper to the beginning of falling in love is fading .
It is not something abnormal, nor a phenomenon that speaks badly of the quality of the affective bond; simply, it is something that happens frequently as the months and years pass. That feeling of adventure and discovering a new way of seeing life is losing strength, even though we can not identify a specific problem with that relationship or marriage.
Now ... is it possible again feel that love for the couple we experienced during the first stage of the relationship ? Although by definition every moment of life is unique, in many cases, there are ways to make romance re-emerge with great force. Let's see how to do our part to achieve it.
- Maybe you're interested: "Love and falling in love: 7 surprising investigations"
When the illusion of the first days of romance is gone
When a relationship starts, the experience that is lived is strongly related to the illusion and the feeling that there are great moments waiting for us. This implies certain doses of stress, but normally it is a question of being healthy, present in its just measure to keep us in suspense, pending how that engagement will develop.
In addition, learning little by little about how the person we feel love for is also exciting in itself, especially considering that through their point of view we also learn things about ourselves (which, moreover, they are usually positive, given the "optimistic" biases and typical idealizers of those who have fallen in love recently).
The emotional comfort zone
Now, although at the beginning of the relationship all are discoveries, little by little the couple's relationship is based on habits and routines that give stability.
This not only has the effect of making the relationship consolidate and having a space in which to maintain oneself on a daily basis (for example, through rituals such as breakfast and dinner always together); In addition, it has an indirect, but decisive, effect on our ways of feeling and thinking. Specifically, it creates a kind of comfort zone related to everything that has to do with that relationship.
Thus, the price of making the love relationship stabilize and have the material means to thrive (through shared habits and common material resources) is to see how those exciting situations disappear and, with them, a part of the satisfaction that is felt by the courtship or marriage .
The cause of this is usually varied, but it is believed that it has to do with two basic factors: the simple passage of time and the repetition of habits and "mental routes" from which one thinks about the couple and the role that one he plays in it. In this last element we can intervene, to make us see the first from another perspective.
- Related article: "Psychology of love: that's how our brain changes when we find a partner"
From falling in love to routine
Keep in mind that relationships are basically the union of three elements: memories, and interaction styles between two people , that is, habits lived in common. When we consciously or unconsciously evaluate our relationships, we do it based on the memories we have of it (both the oldest and the most recent, of the same day) and in them the common habits have a very important role, as they vertebrate that narration.
With the passage of time, by force, the simple probability makes it appear several unpleasant experiences, generating anxiety or simply uncomfortable that we will live with the other person.
In addition, many of them do not have to be our partner's fault, but they are part of external phenomena: a domestic problem with the home's facilities, a family crisis with the parents, etc. However, although no member of the couple is responsible for these situations, those memories will remain there and will irremediably affect our way of perceiving the relationship.
The problems of sleeping in a double bed, the bad relationship with a father-in-law, the need to manage household expenses ... are elements that are part of everyday life but, although we do not realize it, we associate memories labeled as "love and love life as a couple", in general l. These memories will not only consist of weekend outings to get to know each other better, or on romantic walks along the pier: they will also include the tasks of cleaning the bathroom, stress crises that the other person has experienced by having a lot of work , etc. Everyday life destroys any fairy tale.
Getting the love in a couple to re-emerge as in the beginning
Several researchers have proposed the idea that, given that our memories and our unconscious learning of what life really is as a couple affect the way we experience love, a way to invigorate love is to reinforce the presence of positive memories. that we can associate with that loving relationship.
Since our memory is very malleable, we can make those pleasant experiences become more and more important simply evoking those memories and, of course, doing our part so that those specific memories are abundant and have an abundant emotional charge; That means we must move and enrich our lives as a couple. In this way, when we think about the relationship, in the end our attention will go alone to those exciting moments and that really capture the raison d'etre of that relationship or marriage.
