6 keys to "have a go" and communicate more and better
Fear of conversations is a factor that can limit the quality of life of many people . There are people who tend to be secluded and isolated in their own mental universe simply because of the fear of not knowing how to manage the dialogues or to give a bad image of themselves, to block themselves without knowing what to say or, simply, to be visibly nervous.
Of course, there are different degrees and intensities in which the fear of speaking can be given, but the fact is that the fact of being stuck in a counterproductive shyness can limit our options and our freedom making our lives something unnecessarily complicated.
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Solving these learned fears requires effort, time and above all practice, but Having some theoretical references can help make this process easier and more bearable . The reading of the keys presented below can be a good way to face this challenge during the first stages of improving that ability to "have a good time".
1. Culturing
This is a step that requires dedication for years and whose value, of course, goes far beyond its implications in our way of relating to people ... besides being very stimulating and fun. Simply, we can make our world of references expand by learning about new topics and soaking with things you did not know before.
Remember that a good conversation is almost always enriched with cultural references that have to do with elements that are not present in the immediate environment in which the dialogue takes place. Why not start loving what we like to expand our knowledge?
Thus, a conversation about our interests or areas of study and work can gain in value and relevance if there are many topics that interest you and about which you know things. But, in addition, our self-esteem will improve if we believe that we will always have topics of conversation in practically any situation, which will make it more difficult for us to block ourselves because we do not know what to say.
2. Exit the comfort zone with self-instructions
If we start from a situation in which initiating a conversation or participating in a conversation that is already in progress, we are often nervous, we must assume that improving our labia will entail effort and moments of initial initial discomfort . This fact will cause that, if we do nothing to remedy it, we adopt a passive attitude when we could be talking, avoiding dialogue with other people or responding with monosyllables and short phrases so as not to put our image at risk before others. To, in short, make us not get to know too much.
If we want to break this dynamic, we need to "self-bind" to participate in complex dialogues, renouncing short-term goals (not exposing ourselves to nerves and the risk of going bad) in favor of long-term goals (having a more social life). rich and improve our way of relating to people). The simple fact of starting to create situations of fluent communication in complicity with our interlocutors is, in itself, the basis of what it is to have lip service.
The self instructions
Self-instructions are part of this solution . Its application consists, simply, in setting goals and personalized and very specific goals to be carried out sequentially at the beginning of the process of talking with someone. So that self-instructions are simple, we must keep them in mind when we want to start talking, and we must also learn to relate what happens to us and what we experience with these instructions that we have memorized.
Waiving excuses
A first group of self-instructions should be aimed at detecting the excuses we use so we do not have to talk and, thus, neutralize them. In this way, if we realize that we are clinging to an idea that allows us to continue without dialogue with someone and stay in our comfort zone (for example, "it seems tired, better not to disturb") the fact of being warned against this How to rationalize the excuses will make us be forced to continue with the planned plan.
Using self-instructions to break the ice
The second group of self-instructions can be applied to start the conversation, force us to address the person we want to talk to and get her involved in the dialogue . However, it must be said that self-instructions should be left aside once the dialogue has already begun, because following a script to talk to someone will make it artificial and not very spontaneous.
3. Learn to listen
One of the easiest facets of participating in a conversation is letting the other person take the reins of the dialogue and the subject of the conversation. So, if we are beginning to take measures to abandon the fear of talking and there are still things that we have a hard time doing, adopting the role of "the listener" is a very good option to later on be able to progress from there.
In this way you will get used to relax and simply follow the thread of the conversation. In this way, as you will not experience the nerves that sometimes appear when you constantly doubt whether it is better to say something or not, you can pay attention to what is said and have more opportunities to devise creative ways to use the information you receive for return it in the form of adequate, ingenious or, in general, meaningful answers for everyone else.
In fact, the ability to listen and provide interesting elements from what the other person has said is a typical characteristic of the good conversationalist. Do you know the concept of active listening?
To learn to converse we must learn to forget about the image we are giving and, simply, immerse ourselves in what the other person is saying, directing almost all our attention towards his speech. This can be complicated if we start the dialogue being very nervous, but with practice you can get .
You may be interested in reading this article: "14 main social skills to be successful in life"4. Lose the fear of creativity
If we change our philosophy of life so that the most creative and strident elements can be accommodated in it, our conversations can gain in naturalness and ability to entertain. For this it is good to start with our close friendships.
Rather than using jokes, which are often typical and are not our invention, what can be done is to communicate, directly, those ideas or associations that have occurred to us and that are fun. Regardless of whether they are or not, normally the humor with which we communicate will infect others by our smile and the way we say it.
The fact that others react positively to these spontaneous little verbal inventions will, in turn, make us more confident in ourselves, which will make it easier for us next time, strengthen our self-esteem and allow us to talk more fluid
5. Avoid false monologues
At the time of losing the fear of speaking, a part of us can ask us that, since we are going to have to relate to someone, at least we act as if that someone did not exist, adopting the role of monologue and overwhelming our audience with a stream of phrases (memorized) without waiting too long feedback of those who listen to us. That is why we must bear in mind that in every dialogue there must be a space for naturalness and empathy.
If we are planning to participate in a dialogue and we realize that we are preparing long sentences or directly a paragraph of what could be our biography, the best we can do is change strategy and bet on short-termism : simply, start a conversation in a simple way and making the other person participate immediately after, to establish an empathic connection.
In this way, we will have already done the most difficult thing: start a dialogue. We will take care of it after converting this exchange of ideas into something significant; Normally, this happens naturally if we have something to say and fear blinds us.
6. Pay attention to what happens in the context
A part of the conversations is always related to the context in which it is carried out. That's why, when talking you have to keep in mind that there are certain conventions and expectations related to space and the moment in which the dialogue is established. It is necessary to take this into account in order to adapt to the situation, but beyond the very formal contexts such as those that have to do with the professional and work environment, it is not worth much obsessing about the subject, since that can kill our creativity and our ability to surprise.
But, in addition, paying attention to what happens around us in real time will give us opportunities to make the conversation continue to flow from what we are observing. Seeing the environment in which we speak more as an accumulation of possibilities to fuel dialogue rather than as a limiting aspect of it will make it easier for us to lose the fear of conversations.
