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How to start a conversation with whoever you want, in 6 steps

How to start a conversation with whoever you want, in 6 steps

May 24, 2022

Connecting with others is basic and fundamental to have a satisfying life; but it is not always easy. And it is that, although it seems to be a lie, know how to start a conversation properly It can become a problem, in certain situations even for the most extroverted people.

Now, despite the fact that for many people this means leaving the comfort zone, the art of starting to talk with whomever we want is a skill that can be learned.

  • Related article: "15 interesting and fun conversation topics"

Learn how to start a conversation

Something as simple as knowing how to start a conversation spontaneously with someone we are interested in it can be what makes the difference between having a full social life or not having it . And there are people who are so afraid of this type of situation that they end up isolating themselves and having few friends, which in turn is a way to have a rather small social support network.


Next we will see some basic aspects about how to start a conversation.

1. Learn to tolerate failure

The first thing you have to be clear is that no matter how much you read, that will only help you to know what strategies to follow to face this facet of your social life; It is impossible to learn this kind of thing without having gone into practice. And that means that, necessarily, we will have to go through some uncomfortable situations to achieve a goal in the medium and long term much more beneficial than the slight discomfort that comes out of the comfort zone at the beginning.

There is no magic recipe that solves the question overnight without having to put effort into it. The key is to know how to make that effort productive.


2. Do not be a perfectionist with the moment

Almost any place is good to start a conversation, as long as the other person is not in a hurry. Sometimes, the fact of stopping to analyze if the context is propitious to approach someone and start a dialogue is just an excuse (masked under rationality) to let those opportunities pass.

3. At first, opt for questions

When you start practicing how to start conversations , the fact that you will probably feel nervous and a certain anxiety will limit your range of action. Therefore, it is good to recognize this small obstacle and act accordingly. And one way to do it is to make the moment of starting a dialogue short for oneself, and longer for the other person. That is to say: what we will do is pass on the responsibility of the dialogue to the other, through a question that the interlocutor must answer.


Now, for this to work, that question must give way to a response that is not short and that has a relative complexity. In this way, we will avoid that what we get back is a simple phrase of few words, and an awkward silence appears. The goal is for the other's response to allow us to comment on what has been said, and make the dialogue drift towards something else . Once this has been done, it is easier to feel comfortable with the situation.

4. Start with the easy

This is one of the classic recommendations of psychology, and it really works. If we approach very ambitious objectives at the beginning, we will most likely get frustrated and end up throwing in the towel. You have to self-educate yourself to see that initiating a conversation does not trigger unintended consequences , and for that it is good to start with people before whom we do not feel vulnerable, in spite of being relatively unknown people.

Little by little, we must go up the level of difficulty, leaving more and more of the comfort zone.

5. Learn to listen

Paradoxically, what causes discomfort when initiating a conversation with someone who imposes respect is not the fact of starting to speak, but what can happen right after, when it is time to act again after having seen the reaction of the other. Therefore, it is very important to learn to listen.

If we listen to what the other person says, distancing ourselves from the situation and concentrating our attention on the content of your message It is very easy for us to spontaneously come up with reflections, questions or appreciations that may be interesting to share.

Bearing in mind that when training basic social skills our role can not be very outgoing, it is good to adopt the role of someone who knows how to listen: everyone likes to feel that there is someone who pays attention to what is being said.

Therefore, it is important to learn to adopt active listening skills that facilitate this: maintain eye contact (directing the gaze towards the other person's face is sufficient, if we do it and we do not pay more attention to that aspect, we will achieve it spontaneously without our noticing and without obsessing with the subject), agree, do short comments, erc.

6. Give the answer centered on the message

At this point, we must limit ourselves to answering about what the other person has said, although already We can introduce other related ideas , or even personal experiences. Since the conversation has already been initiated, it can be derived to practically any direction, provided that everything starts from the intervention of the other person.


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