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Low self-esteem? When you become your worst enemy

Low self-esteem? When you become your worst enemy

May 6, 2021

The self esteem is one of the most important psychological variables for emotional health, well-being and it is key in our positive relationship with the environment. But, unfortunately, not everyone has high self-esteem.

Studies say that this important aspect of personality is not static, but can vary throughout the life of a person, and according to psychologist Silvia Congost, author of the book "Automatic Self-Esteem", its development depends approximately 30% of genetic factors, and the rest, that is, 70%, depends on the environment and the experiences that we have had to live.

There are several types of self-esteem. If you want to know them you can read our article: "The 4 types of self-esteem: do you value yourself?"

The relationship between low self-esteem and emotional balance

Low self-esteem is a real problem that many people face , because it can negatively affect the different areas of your life. In short, low self-esteem causes suffering and prevents many of our goals or desires. Negative thinking patterns associated with low self-esteem (for example, thinking that everything you do is going to go wrong) can cause serious mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety.


Low self-esteem is paralyzing, and makes it difficult to try new things or carry out the various tasks of day to day , as well as starting a new hobby or looking for a job. This prevents living the life you want, and leads to frustration and discomfort over time.

Who is in this situation and wants to get out of this negative spiral, only if he does a hard job of self-reflection and recognizes his level of self-esteem will be able to improve it and, therefore, increase his well-being. In some cases, the person can not achieve it on its own, so it will be necessary to go to a specialist psychologist. Even so, is the person who wants to change who has to work to achieve it , since the psychologist only provides the tools for change.


What causes low self-esteem?

The thoughts you have about yourself seem absolute realities, but they are only opinions . They are based on the experiences you have had in life, and the messages that these experiences have contributed so that you form an image of who you are. If you have had bad experiences, it is likely that the evaluation of yourself is negative. The crucial experiences that help to forge these negative or positive beliefs about ourselves is very possible (though not always) that occur at an early age.

What you have seen, felt and what you have experienced during childhood and adolescence, in your family, school or community in general have a determining effect when it comes to valuing yourself in the future.

Examples of these experiences are presented below:

  • Systematic punishment or abuse
  • Failing to meet the expectations of parents
  • Not meeting the expectations of the group of friends and colleagues
  • Being the "scapegoat" of other people in moments of tension or anguish
  • Belonging to families or social groups characterized by lack of affection and disinterest
  • Being treated as the black sheep of the family or school

Psychological problems associated with low self-esteem

In addition to the above causes, sometimes, negative evaluations about oneself are caused by negative experiences that have happened later in life. For example. painful partner breakups or abusive relationships, persistent stress, bullying or mobbing, etc. Therefore, the relationship between psychological problems and self-esteem is a reality.


Many of the psychological or emotional problems are associated with low self-esteem, and this is why one of the most frequent reasons for psychological consultation. And since self-esteem can cause other types of problems (depression, eating disorders, addictions, anxiety, etc.), it is necessary to take measures

Stop being your worst enemy: strategies to improve self-esteem

Low self-esteem is very related to how you value and react to the things that happen If you want to stop being one of those people with low self-esteem, you can follow these tips to stop being your worst enemy and improve your self-esteem:

  • Set realistic goals
  • Do not compare yourself with others
  • Appreciate your qualities
  • Treat yourself with love and look at life in a positive way
  • Practice Mindfulness
  • Make constructive criticism towards yourself
  • Give yourself time
  • Practice physical exercise
  • Try to be assertive
You can deepen these strategies and learn more techniques to improve self-esteem in our article: "10 keys to increase your self-esteem in 30 days"

Seeking help to improve self-esteem

If you detect that you have a serious self-esteem problem and the previous thing has not worked, it is necessary that you solve it as soon as possible because you do not have to continue suffering more time. So, instead of hiding and looking the other way, you can:

  • Talk with your family or close friends
  • Talk to your GP to advise what you should do
  • Go to therapy with a specialized psychologist

Being Your Own Worst Enemy (May 2021).


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