Violence in the home: educating healthy and non-violent children
We constantly question ourselves how can I eradicate violence in the home and at the same time encourage healthy development in my children? Every attempt will be in vain if you do not start with yourself. The family is the bastion where we can start instill values such as nonviolence and a healthy and open communication to our children.
To learn more about domestic abuse: "The 30 signs of psychological abuse in a relationship"Coping with violence in the home and educating from home
The first step is to identify the situations or practices that cause the accumulation of stress Y frustration . Parents are not machines. The constant demand for your attention and your time tends to destabilize you emotionally and physically, not to mention that the current economic and labor situation pushes anyone to the limits.
Disarticulating our work and / or academic life in our home life is a difficult task, however necessary. We should not impute to our children or partners our concerns and duties of what belongs outside the home. Try to let go of your work or school worries once you're away from work or school, if you need to spend more time on some topic, look for a moment that you can dedicate exclusively for the activity and make sure to communicate it to your family requesting their support , remember that your professional and personal growth is also your growth.
Once this is done, here are some suggestions that can help in the development of a healthy and harmonious coexistence .
Establish and enforce respect rules at home
In the previous article it was established that the family is the social core of every society, and what is a society without rules? If it is necessary to write them down, that all the members of the family are familiar with the regulation, it is important that the minor conceives the relation of the internal rules with the external ones, makes explicit the consequences of not following them. In the rules of the house make sure to prohibit decisively the use of insults, blows or threats among the members of your family.
In the article on bullying we settle some types of violence, remember then that all kinds of violence, whether verbal, physical or of the third type, is a transgression towards the whole family, because it results in a triggering of diverse actions and reactions, besides that does not recognize the value of each member.
Encourage assertive communication
The assertive communication it is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. When talking with your children, have you ever felt that they tell you only what you want to hear? Do your children express their feelings and opinions with difficulty? Do you really know how to listen?
Open and assertive communication not only prevents adverse situations, it also provides the space to resolve conflicts without reaching violence.
At this point it seems important to me to comment that I am part of the generation in which a spanking was not violence, it was correction, that is why I should make it clear that sometimes, when attempts to resolve conflicts through dialogue seem not to be enough and we need to go to a next step, it is necessary to know that not all reprimands are violent, it is only important to know when and how to discipline children.
Avoid reprimanding your child with a hot head, make sure that the reprimand is the same "caliber" as the fault committed. The child must learn that to every negative action there is a directly proportional reaction , either at home or in society. At the same time I also want to comment that a vital part of parenthood is to trust your instinct, not to follow fashions or tendencies by the mere fact of what they will say.
Planning
As a family, it is important to coexist and spread healthily . Sharing collaborative activities instead of being competitive, integrating and knowing one another's tastes is fundamental. Search to plan a moment a day when this happens. Organize your schedules, the one you are looking for, even if they are 5 minutes. Quality is worth more than quantity.
Wake up and smell the coffee (Wake up and smell the coffee)
As cruel as it sounds, it is better to "die knowing" to "live deceived" . We often do not enjoy our reality to live longing to have the perfect family. Avoid disappointment and remember the following: No matter what you see on social networks, young children have a lot of energy and are not interested in what adults want from them, the brothers will fight. Point. Occasionally, some more than others, it is normal, it is part of living together. Of preadolescents and adolescents not to mention, do you remember when you were their age?
Enjoy those moments, which are sometimes scarce, of family coexistence. Abandon your preconceived fantasy, accept the characteristics of the age of each of your children and ...
Accept errors and defects
Nobody is perfect, nobody is born knowing. The house where being wrong is condemned is a fertile ground for domestic violence. Within the family should be established a routine to ask and grant sorry, and practice it frequently.
Be the example, encourage your children's generosity and tolerance with others, allowing them to learn to grow through mistakes. Teach them not to stumble over the same stone.
Promote values
The family is undoubtedly the ideal nucleus to promote values from an early age and to project in each of its members a way of life that is healthy and transmissible between the individuals that compose it as well as in society. The values they are observable as each member responsibly assumes the role that he / she must play, procuring the welfare and integral development of the other members.
The rights, why is it necessary to encourage them from home?
Your children should know their rights and know that they deserve respect, they should never tolerate violence without reporting it. Teach them to take care of themselves and to protect themselves from abuse by being assertive in their personal relationships . Review together the importance of each of your rights and obligations.
The house is the laboratory where they practice healthy relationships, and where your example is substantial to assimilate their value. Recall the analysis of violence from the mimetic theory, if your children see you suffer from a violent relationship or violate your partner in their presence, it will be difficult for them to learn to recognize or live a healthy relationship in the future.
Controls the influence of environmental violence in the media
Violence enters your home with your permission. Analyze what the media are promoting to which your children have access. Do not allow everydayness and visual culture to determine the development of the value system and the behavior formation of your children. Do not let the media be responsible for educating your children .
Continually exposing ourselves to violent images makes us vulnerable and allows us to gradually admit the inadmissible as normal. Being exposed to violence from a young age has a negative effect on the child's development.
Do not keep silent, denounce violence
You have already established the rules, and you have taught your children to assert their rights, now it is important to point out violent acts and attitudes, and to publicly disapprove them. Promote your children to report violence , the trust they place in you is essential for you to help them detect when their integrity is at risk, they can be victims of harassment even within their own home.
The violence will be silent when you decide to speak.
