Fear of being a mother: why it appears and how to overcome it
The fear of being a mother is one of the psychological phenomena that goes unnoticed, although it is experienced by many women. It is not something to be taken lightly, because it corresponds to motherhood, a fact that transforms the day to day of who is going to have a baby and who, therefore, thinks about this whole process through a strong emotional involvement.
In this article we will see why fear of motherhood may appear and what can be done to overcome it .
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Fear of motherhood: possible causes
The fear of being a mother is relatively frequent in women who value the possibility of becoming pregnant for the first time or who are already pregnant. In the latter case, the emotional impact of receiving the news of pregnancy can lead to serious suffering even if they were already planning to be pregnant. Ambiguity and ambivalence in feelings is very characteristic when the fear of motherhood is present.
Here are some of the most important key ideas to assess what may be the causes of this fear, in each case.
1. Is it a desired pregnancy?
Some women confuse the fear of being mothers with the simple fact of not wanting to be mothers. Due to the traces left by the machismo that has prevailed for centuries in practically all cultures, it tends to ignore the will of women in regard to their own capacity to conceive, assuming that motherhood is a phase of life through which they must pass , when this is not the case at all.
Not wanting to have children is, of course, something totally legitimate, and the social pressure that can lead to see as a problem the refusal to have a baby It should not be seen as an individual problem, but as a collective, community .
2. Fear of medical complications
Many women are afraid to think about the danger of childbirth. Although fortunately, in most developed countries, it is possible to give birth under conditions of medical care that provide a lot of security, sometimes you can not count on this guarantee (either because of the place where you live or by others material constraints). On the other hand, it can also happen that this danger is overestimated.
In addition, in many cases a double fear is perceived: to die the same, and to die the baby .
3. The fear of not being prepared
It is also very common, within the cases of fear of being a mother, to see motherhood as a task that requires many skills and competences at the same time, without leaving time to "train" in them without exposing the newborn to risks or dangers. The new role of mother is seen as a total transformation that it requires adopting totally different habits , something that is not easy to do or plan.
4. The fear of transmitting problems
Beyond the possible imagined incapacity of being a mother, there are also those who fear creating a new life, since it assumes that it will possibly have an unhappy existence due to the fact of having been born from the one who was born, inheriting a whole series of problems.
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How to overcome the fear of being a mother?
As we have seen, the fear of being a mother is not based on the unwillingness to be a mother, but on the fear of creating great problems from pregnancy, even though there is something about motherhood that is seductive or even despite wanting to have a baby. That is, there is a duality: you want to have a son or daughter, but there are a number of obstacles that can harm the woman who suffers or the baby that is to come, or both, and that are almost inherent in the process of becoming a mother.
Each case is unique, and the intensity of this fear can vary a lot . For those women who feel especially bad with this anguish, it is advisable to go to a mental health professional, but for the rest, it may be enough trying to apply some very basic and simple principles that we will see below.
1. Learn about health coverage
It is a very basic first step that can avoid many worries. Seeing how medical teams can meet the needs and potential problems that arise during motherhood is a relief. Many times, you prefer not to do this so you do not have to think about pregnancy (since it produces anxiety), but if this first obstacle is avoided, a good part of the fear will go away.
2. Value the material conditions in which one lives
If there are reasons to think that motherhood is materially unfeasible due to lack of resources, it is advisable to postpone pregnancy, but for this it is important to ask for third opinions, because the fear of motherhood can bias our point of view .
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3. Start learning to be a mother
It is true that taking care of a baby is a responsibility, but it is not a task reserved only for an intellectual or physical elite: with due process of learning, you can play this maternal or paternal role well .
The simple fact of getting involved and learning during the previous months makes us feel more prepared and that the fear of being a mother goes away, while increasing self-esteem.
