How can I stop loving those who do not value me? 4 tips
For better or worse, love is something that comes unexpectedly . It does not attend to reasons or to rational calculations of what suits us from a realistic perspective. It simply arrives with falling in love, like a wave of emotions, and makes our way of experiencing life transform in a matter of days or a few weeks.
Therefore, there is nothing that prevents the appearance of unrequited love, or a clearly asymmetric one in which one part of the couple gives a lot and the other does not invest too much time, effort or affection. So, many people end up asking themselves a classic question: How can I stop loving someone who does not value me? In the following lines we will develop this theme.
- Related article: "The stages of heartbreak and its psychological consequences"
The characteristics of unrequited love
As we have seen, although relationships are composed (or should be composed) by two people who love each other and form an affective bond, love can occur perfectly unilaterally. Wanting someone does not mean that someone wants us , as many people discover painfully throughout their lives. But that does not mean that we should resign ourselves to passively suffer the consequences of that disappointment.
It is true that one can not directly manipulate their own emotions, but we can take several measures so that the bad moment passes as quickly as possible and we can direct our focus on life projects that do allow us to be happy.
So, the key is not to start hating or despising who has not corresponded, but simply in stop making it a priority to spend time with that person or thinking about it . Corresponding love does not stop hurting from night to morning, but if we do not feed it by turning it into an obsession and through rumination, its psychological repercussions and its relevance will be extinguished in a matter of weeks.
- Maybe you're interested: "Why does love end in a relationship?"
How to stop loving those who do not value you
To know how to follow your path without worrying obsessively about the fact that someone does not love you, follow these steps.
1. Avoid reminders
As much as possible, avoid exposing yourself to contexts that bring you memories related to that person. Do it in a reasonable way, since in practice it is impossible to avoid this kind of stimulus. Keep in mind the most relevant ones, and adopt habits that do not make you think about them.
For example, change the bar to go for a drink on weekends, or go for a walk in other places. In the same way, it's good that at first you do not have contact with that person , although that does not mean that you should adopt a relational dynamic hostile to it.
2. Adopt a distance perspective
In almost any situation it is possible to adopt a distanced perspective that allows us to analyze in a more calm and objective way what is happening. This is very useful when it comes to working on love problems, as it helps to dismiss the idea that the psychological pain we feel in the frustration of not feeling loved describe what we are worth
Thus, it is a way to have a more realistic and reasonable vision of oneself, one that is not subject to the pessimistic biases that appear when experiencing the lack of love because of rejection by someone who does not value us.
After all, that person does not know us completely and precisely: his way of perceiving us is conditioned by the way in which we have related to him, which in turn is a way of interacting that we have not used with others. people and that in fact does not have to be equal to what we do when we are alone.
3. Think of what you know about yourself and the other does not know
Make a list of positive things that you know about yourself and that you believe that the person who does not value you enough is unaware. The aim of this is not to prepare a list of arguments to convince her to love you, of course, but a reminder that beyond the image of you that reflects the way that person relates to you, you have many strengths that you should not forget .
4. Give yourself time
It is important not to set unrealistic goals about the time it takes to recover emotionally. If you think that in three days you will be fine and this does not happen, that can make you more obsessed with the problem , making it last longer.
So, the best thing is not to set a temporary goal that marks a moment in which you should feel good. Instead, set goals on a daily basis that have nothing to do with feeling one way or another, but with doing certain actions that lead you to get excited about other projects in company or alone.
