How to ask for forgiveness: 7 keys to overcome pride
Know how to ask for forgiveness when the moment requires it It is one of those skills that, however simple they may seem, make a difference in personal relationships. And there are people who experience serious problems when it comes to apologizing, even if the other person is someone you love and trust.
But, as with many other capabilities, it is possible to learn how to ask for forgiveness from someone you love or even someone with whom you have a more formal or professional relationship. Then we will see what are the keys to get it .
- Related article: "Forgiveness: should I or should I not forgive the one who hurt me?"
How to ask for forgiveness: several tips
To learn how to apologize, you have to modify certain habits and beliefs related to self-image and expectations about how social relationships should be. Let's see it in depth.
1. Internalize the idea that nobody is perfect
Many people who experience difficulties when actually apologizing they have unrealistic expectations about how they should be perceived by others.
Specifically, they are excessively perfectionist, and feel a rejection of the idea of asking for forgiveness because they see this as a staging of their own failure. That is, an action that, when viewed by more people, makes something subjective ("I have reasons to ask for forgiveness") is objectified.
So, asking for forgiveness from someone means making an effort that, at the same time, contradicts self-image, very idealized .
However, it must be clear that nobody is perfect. Even the great historical figures, the most admired, seen from the present are full of failures, even mistakes that children today would not commit.
- Related article: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"
2. Get out of the self-critical loop
Many people start judging themselves with cruelty for not asking for forgiveness. However, this is on the one hand unnecessary and unreasonable, and on the other an excuse that justifies the absence of an apology as is proper. That is to say, it is a strategy to purge responsibilities without having to ask for forgiveness and making everything "inside doors", without anyone other than oneself being able to benefit from this.
That is why it is important to recognize this routine of thoughts as what it is: an excuse. We have to break with this cognitive ritual.
3. Practice the acceptance of the error
The acceptance of error is the most mature attitude No one can escape from mistakes, as we have seen.
For that reason, it is good that you get used to performing small rituals of apology, although at the beginning it is only asking for forgiveness for the little things of the day to day. The same fact of doing this repeatedly, progressively increasing the importance of the context in which we apologize, it predisposes us to continue doing it spontaneously .
4. Train empathy
It is crucial that you dedicate efforts to empathize, put yourself in the other person's place cognitively and emotionally . To do this, do just that: imagine that you are that person and that you see things from their point of view. If you get used to doing this in moments with a significant emotional load, little by little it will cost you less to empathize spontaneously.
- Related article: "Are you empathic? 10 typical features of empathic people"
5. Concentrate on detecting the inconvenience caused
Whoever proposes to apologize but does not get it, surely does not see the magnitude of the damage and inconvenience it has caused. In some way, pride itself is more important than recognizing the other person who is in an unfair situation.
That is why you have to stop and reflect on the damage that has been done; not only in the most superficial and apparent, but also in the details and indirect effects that our actions have caused.
For example, getting to a meeting too late does not just mean spending a few minutes of discomfort waiting; It also means losing part of the day, or even being in a vulnerable situation if it is a meeting with potential clients, for example.
6. Make a simple script
The first few times you try to ask for forgiveness, striving for everything to go as it should, you may experience a relatively high degree of anxiety . This state of activation can cause you to fall into a somewhat chaotic and disorganized behavior pattern.
That's why the best is doner a little script about what you have to say and do . That yes, it must be very simple and brief, with two or three ideas of a line, and nothing else.If you write literally everything you want to say, it is possible that this will generate even more stress, since remembering everything is an extra job that you really do not have to do.
Simply, remember the ideas that structure your apology and express them as they come out in the moment. Surely it will not be perfect, but this is normal.
- Maybe you're interested: "The 7 types of anxiety (causes and symptoms)"
7. Observe what happens
Seeing how the other person reacts after we have apologized is, although it may not seem like it, the most important part of the process of learning to say forgiveness. The reason is that actually this it's not something we do for ourselves , but for the other person. That's why our point of view will help us to iron out the imperfections of our way of communicating and will allow us to help others in whatever they need at that moment to feel better.
