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"I love you, but I do not like you anymore": about the lack of love

January 25, 2022

Surely, after an age and with a certain maturity and lived experiences, we can all talk about some love that is over without knowing very well why. It is very easy to find articles on the Internet that speak of the suffering of heartbreak, but what happens to us inside?

Let's start with a fact that, even today, many people find it hard to accept: Love comes and goes in the brain; the heart only marks some rhythms, and the lack of love follows a logic that goes beyond if a person has stopped "liking" us, simply.

  • Related article: "Curing a broken heart: 7 keys to face the lack of love"

Love is a habit, an addiction

There are studies that claim that love arises in the limbic system, which is the part of the brain from which our emotions are born . It releases a chemical called phenylethylamine, which causes a feeling of euphoria, as triggered by some drugs.


Other substances secreted by the human body whose levels are altered with love are dopamine (related to the learning mechanism), norepinephrine (basically responsible for our heart is accelerated in the presence of our beloved) and serotonin (regulates the state of mind).

We understand, from those alterations, that when we are in love we are entities that dance on the air, with a silly smile on the face and constant ups and downs of humor .

Alterations have also been detected in the area of ​​perception, which could clarify that we see our partner in an idealized way and whose apparent perfection makes it more special than any other person.


But from love to hatred, there is only one step ... Maybe less. The neurologist Semir Zeki discovered in one of his investigations how it is produced the activation of the same brain regions during the process of falling in love and hatred, provoking opposite reactions, yes.

And there is the lack of love ... suddenly?

When it comes to investigating a little more about the heartbreak process, it is hard to find articles that explain what happens to us when we take the active role, that is, the decision to break. All seem to focus on reviving the poor being who has been abandoned unilaterally (a clue: it is a matter of time and attitude).

By now you have probably already read that what we understand as "falling in love" lasts around two years (four for those who see the glass half full). The process of heartbreak does not usually come suddenly ; it is almost always a gradual as well as painful process, and it is also a result, in part, of brain activity.


The brain, with the passage of time, causes that every time they are segregated less all the chemical substances that we mentioned previously, like the dopamine. Those substances made us be alienated (sorry, in love) and see the other person as perfect. And, little by little, they take off the handkerchief from our eyes and we are able to be more "objective" about our partner , seeing defects easier and feeling negative emotions.

Suffer that lack of love it does not always mean a break ; can evolve to another type of more solid and objective relationship. To see the other person as he really is, and not as we want him to be, we need enough emotional maturity to be able to live love without erroneous expectations , unreachable requirements and uncontrolled emotions. A key in this process is communication as a couple.

The brain during heartbreak

For this evolution of love there are also studies that show how certain hormones intervene in the brain. This is the case of oxytocin, which works like alcohol, giving us well-being by being segregated in situations related to affection such as in a hug, and that is why the couple enjoys intimate moments not so linked to sexuality .

In the event that heartbreak does not come to fruition and we opt for rupture, the brain also undergoes certain changes. Brain scans have been done that show that the person with a broken heart shows more activity in the prefrontal area, which is related to personality, decision making and planning, as long as it is not a case of depression. That makes us think that the brain tries to throw us a cable to make us overcome the bad drink and balance our behavior and emotions.

Likewise, it has been shown that a withdrawal syndrome is suffered similar to the one that is suffered with any other drug; the brain lacks those chemical reward circuits that are set in motion by "consuming" the presence and affection of the other person and, although with time he assimilates it, in principle what he does is cry out for it.

You have to understand that people who break the relationship because they do not feel what they think they should feel, suffer all this process equally, only that all this happens during the relationship rather than after the breakup.

What to do before the disappointment of love?

Both falling in love and falling out of love seems to be out of our control , what we can manage is if that heartbreak is worth taking it to another stage of love, or if it is not worth it and you have to let it go. No decision will be totally clear or easy, people are animals of customs, but in the game of love, we must not forget that not everything is worth and that we must become active subjects of our own lives and make the decisions that we believe are correct.

So fall in love, be loved, break, come back, repent, rejoice, cry and love again, without fear, because as Winston Churchill said: "Success is overcoming failure with enthusiasm intact."


8 Signs Your Partner No Longer Loves You (January 2022).


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