Infidelity: the second most important problem in relationships

April 5, 2024

Fidelity is one of the bases on which the vast majority of married couples and stable couples are built, so it is not surprising that one of the main reasons why couples demand psychological help is the overcoming of an infidelity. In various national surveys 61.7% of men and 43.4% of women said they had committed some infidelity throughout their lives , becoming the second most important problem in a couple after physical abuse.

But, what is considered infidelity? Is sexual contact necessary or is it enough to produce an emotional union? Do punctual contacts imply a lack of fidelity? ... There are many questions that are generated around the subject and also many the couples that go to therapy in search of the definitive answer that solves all your doubts.

Why is it so difficult to distinguish between what is and what is not infidelity?

In practice it is very difficult to define what behaviors imply infidelity, since the admissible limits are established implicitly within each couple according to the ideas of each member, their previous experiences, the customs of the family of origin and to the social context in which he lives. So, It is very normal that what is considered infidelity in one partner is not in another and vice versa .

At the same time, men and women develop different ideas about infidelity: while many women tend to associate any intimacy - whether sexual or not - with infidelity, men are more likely to deny it, unless there has been recurrent sex.

To this variability of definition it is necessary to unite new technologies, an element that further increases the ambiguity of the concept and makes it more difficult for the couple to overcome the conflict. And is that the improvement of the media has made infidelity more accessible and easier nowadays , it is enough a mobile phone or a computer to establish strong emotional relationships or sexual content with someone outside the relationship, without it being necessary to invest an excessive time that makes the couple suspect.

So, how do we define the concept of infidelity?

Leaving aside all these difficulties and in an attempt to define a possible definition, we can understand by infidelity all that situation in which a person, with a stable relationship, is involved in intense contact with someone who is not their regular partner . In this contact sexual relations may or may not occur, which allows us to distinguish between a form of infidelity centered on sexual intercourse and another in which it is only a secondary aspect to the affective bond.

In the first case, sexual dissatisfaction in the couple is the engine for the establishment of new relationships, while in the second it is a more global and complex dissatisfaction that drives to transgress the allegiance pacts.

More infidelities but for the same reasons

The actual frequency of extramarital relationships is increasing every day, increasing especially among the female population . This behavioral change is mainly related to the availability of effective contraceptives, with the change in the social role of women and their integration into the workplace, which has caused women to have more contact with people outside their life as a couple and who Your fear of a possible unwanted pregnancy has diminished.

On the other hand, it is necessary to mention that both sexes exhibit the same reasons, year after year, to initiate and maintain a relationship of these characteristics. Infidel men and women talk about the experience of a painful relationship, monotonous and empty and a lack of positive response to their sexual and emotional demands. These statements show that infidelity in many cases indicates the need for "something more" or "something different" in their interaction and in their life as a couple that, in many cases, impels them to look for what they feel they lack.

Can you overcome an infidelity?

After knowing all these data many couples will wonder if it is possible to recompose the relationship after an infidelity, to which the statistics answer that only 50% of the time the problem is overcome . This probability of survival increases if the man has been unfaithful and if the infidelity has only been of a sexual nature.

Therefore, when considering a possible reconciliation after an infidelity is necessary to assess the pros and cons of the relationship and keep in mind that not all unfaithful couples are separated.In many cases, not only is reconciliation possible, but the same infidelity causes the couple to consider their problems, overcome them and continue their relationship with a reinforced intimacy. That is, we must never forget that the process of reconciliation is slow and difficult, and that it must inevitably pass by asking for forgiveness and forgive sincerely , for which in many cases therapeutic intervention is necessary as a guide and support for the couple.