Mar Puigmartí: "Not having taboos allows you to talk openly about sex with your partner"
Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that promotes the sexual and emotional well-being of people, and aims to help those individuals who experience difficulties in their intimate or loving life as a result of a sexual disorder or who are not comfortable with themselves in some way of his intimate life.
Scientific evidence shows that this form of therapy is very effective; However, many people have difficulty talking about their sexual problems, largely because they feel unsuccessful, embarrassed and even guilty.
- Related article: "Sexual therapy: what it is and what are its benefits"
Interview with the psychologist and psychotherapist Mar Puigmartí
Today we wanted to talk to Mar Puigmartí, psychologist and psychotherapist specialized in sex and couples therapy to tell us what sex therapy is exactly and help us understand why we should not resist going to it because we have fears and false beliefs.
Mar offers psychological therapy at the Mensalus Psychological and Psychological Assistance Institute, one of the most prestigious psychotherapy and psychotherapy clinics in Spain.
Good morning Mar, tell us, why is it so difficult for us to talk about sexuality openly?
Although we have been progressing on the level of sexuality, many fears, myths, restrictions and taboos surrounding it still prevent us from living it freely. Society continually overwhelms us with dubious information, full of prejudices and gender stereotypes that leads us to internalize and accept messages that, if we do not question them, will end up hindering our way of living sexuality, and therefore talking about it.
It is important to know that you are part of us from birth until we die, playing an essential role in our development and growth throughout life. Offering a quality emotional and sexual education would promote a greater and wider knowledge about sexuality, allowing us to live it in a more positive and healthy way, and conceiving it as a source of pleasure and satisfaction, as well as communication and expression of affection. Understanding sexuality in this way would make it easier to talk about it openly and with total naturalness.
What are the main problems that men and women present in terms of their sex life?
The most frequent sexual problems are known as sexual dysfunctions. In the case of men, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and lack of desire are the most common dysfunctions. In women, the most common are anorgasmia, lack of desire, vaginismus and dyspareunia. However, it is not uncommon to encounter problems of dissatisfaction, difficulties in sexual communication, cases of hypersexuality or sex addiction, paraphilias, phobia or aversion to sex etc.
All of them, in addition to affecting the quality of life of the person, often interfere in their relationship with the couple, if there is one.
Is it always necessary to have a problem to go to sex therapy or is it possible to do it for other reasons (for example, to vary and enrich the couple's erotic repertoire)?
It is not necessary to have a problem to go to sex therapy since other issues can be worked on. For example, there are many people who come because they want to enhance their sexual possibilities: acquire resources to get out of the monotony and enrich their sexual repertoire, develop skills to reinforce sensuality and eroticism, increase sexual self-esteem ... In this type of therapy is encouraged the sexual and emotional well-being of people.
What do you think is the biggest impediment when it comes to going to sex therapy?
Predefined ideas and false beliefs about sex make it difficult to ask for professional help because it is a very intimate and sometimes difficult to share. Those who suffer from these types of problems usually live it in a silent and hidden way, trying to deny and hide their difficulties and often avoiding having sex. They usually verbalize shame, guilt and frustration, and all this ends up generating discomfort and suffering in the person.
However, do not be ashamed or paralyzed when a problem of this kind arises. Sex therapy is very effective and the help of a professional to work the difficulties that arise in this area is very positive to live a satisfactory sexuality.
So, if for many people sexuality is a very intimate subject and that sometimes it is difficult to talk, how do you overcome this obstacle in your sessions with patients?
It is important to create from the beginning a close, safe and free of judgments about their thoughts, feelings, emotions, tastes, fantasies ... It is essential that patients can express themselves without fear, from freedom and respect. In this way, we can accompany them in this process so that they understand what is happening, help them resolve doubts, gain confidence and security, and motivate them to make the changes that are necessary for their well-being.
What are the benefits of not having taboos when it comes to sexual relations with a partner?
Having no taboos allows you to talk openly about sex with your partner, that sexual communication is more fluid and that both members can express their desires, preferences and sexual preferences with ease. All this reinforces the complicity in the couple, besides growing erotically and increasing sexual satisfaction.
Also, if at any time sexual difficulties arise, they will live with less anxiety because it will be much easier to talk about it, feel understood and seek solutions together.
What benefits does sexual therapy bring to patients?
Sexual therapy helps the person or the couple with their sexual and affective difficulties, providing resources and tools to be able to live the sexuality in a pleasant way.
This type of therapy has many benefits for patients: having a space where they can talk about sexuality, solve sexual difficulties that may arise, acquire new techniques for the enjoyment of their intimate relationships, obtain greater sexual self-knowledge, increase self-esteem, enhance erotic creativity, acquire communication skills with the couple ... In short, be protagonists of their sexuality.
More and more people are using online therapy, do you think it is effective for this type of problem?
Thanks to new technologies, online therapy has become more present in the field of psychotherapy since it is proven to bring many benefits. Going to a sex therapist is not easy for everyone because, since it is such a personal and delicate aspect of people's lives, it is harder to ask for help.
Online sexual therapy has become a very effective alternative to treat this type of difficulties because it facilitates professional assistance in a discreet and anonymous way without having to travel. Thus, through the screen, people can feel more comfortable and can express what causes them concern or suffering in order to receive the appropriate treatment and overcome their difficulties.
- Related article: "The 6 best online therapy clinics"
What advice would you give to readers of Psychology and Mind to have a satisfying sex life?
We must begin by taking responsibility for our own pleasure. It is essential to review and question what model of sexuality we want to live to get rid of everything that moves us away from it. Knowing oneself, one's own body, connecting with the here and now of pleasure and giving oneself permission to feel is the key to enjoying a satisfying sexuality. In addition, transmitting our desires and needs to the couple will strengthen their confidence and will allow them to enjoy a full sexual life as a couple.
