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The 7 differences between love and emotional dependence

The 7 differences between love and emotional dependence

March 28, 2024

Love and dependence are not synonyms far from it. The world of emotions and human relationships may be confusing and difficult to investigate, but the truth is that these two elements present many differences that allow discrimination between one and the other. And thank goodness, because the consequences of confusing them can become very negative.

Unfortunately, myths about affection and about relationships make not everyone clear the differences between emotional dependence and love . Many times, the simple fact of believing in a stereotype about how the perfect love relationship should be means that we become as pigeonholed as the concepts we use to think of affection and affective ties.

  • Related article: "Emotional dependence: the pathological addiction to your sentimental partner"

Distinguish between dependence and love

Loving and relying are not, nor can they be, the same. That is why there are many differences between love and emotional dependence. Here you can find the main ones.

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1. Contact search vs. Avoidance of loneliness

In emotional dependence, everything that the relationship brings us is posed in a negative sense , while with love the opposite occurs. That means that in the first case the contact with the other person is a tool to make discomfort disappear, while in love the company and the presence of the other is something that produces well-being.

In other words, in love being with someone brings a positive value, while in the case of emotional dependence this is seen as a resource to avoid the lack of someone, and therefore the elimination of something negative is sought.

2. Live the experience vs. Have tools

Practically all the good that a loving relationship offers us has to do with the subjective value of the experience of being with someone. That is, we can not explain in words which aspects of our lives are improved by the presence of someone we love.

However, with dependence, the opposite occurs. Here, when we think about the relationship, we tend to identify very concrete aspects of our life in which the presence of the other is noticeable . For example, the possibility of accessing a group of friends, the fact of not having to go back to live in the parents' house, etc. In some way, the relationship is seen as a sum of these options to improve our lives, it is not something that goes much beyond this union of advantages.

3. Option to negotiate vs. Blind faith in the relationship

In love, it is clear that, although to maintain a stable relationship, certain sacrifices must be made, they must be reasonable and it is perfectly legitimate to question their limits.

The difference that this aspect makes with respect to dependence is that in this second the limits are not even questioned by sheer fear . Here, the relationship is not seen as something dynamic that can be adapted to the needs of both, but is perceived rather as a series of rigid rules in which we must fit. This makes the dependency grow more, since the possibility of damaging the relationship with any small detail makes it is paying attention constantly.

4. Welfare care vs. Attention to obsessions

In love, what matters is the well-being of the people involved, and the relationship is only the means through which there is a fit between people who enjoy mutual contact.

In the case of dependency, however, the attention is directed to the idea of ​​the relationship itself , which is almost always composed of stereotypes and rituals that have to be repeated over and over again. That is, the relationship is used as a way to give a predictable and stable structure to day to day.

  • Related article: "5 stages through which love couples pass when they finish"

5. Love that person vs. Wanting what that person offers us

In love, the target of all the positive emotions that we experience in the relationship is always the person for whom we feel that strong emotional bond .

In contrast, in situations of dependency, what is valued is all those changes that the possibility of relating to that person has introduced into our lives.

6. Flexibility vs. Fixed hours

In love the freedom of each person involved is something that is taken for granted. That means that, by default, it is assumed that everyone can do what they want, and exceptions have to be provided and have a justification.

In the dependency, what is taken for granted is a certain routine , with which any transgression of these customs produces discomfort.

That's why one of the main differences between love and dependence is that the second can be compared metaphorically with an addiction, since it consumes much of the time and the greatest emotional impact it causes is the discomfort generated by leaving the schedules .

7. Empowerment of low self-esteem

Love does not have to make our self-esteem better, but dependency does make it worse. The reason is that, when a feeling of vulnerability is constantly perceived, the concerns oriented towards facts that do not depend on oneself (such as the fact that the other person is a few minutes late when they return home) feed the idea that they do not You can do nothing to avoid the discomfort.

  • Related article: 12 tips to overcome emotional dependence

Real Love Or Emotional Dependence? This is How You Know (March 2024).

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