People who do not know how to be single: 5 reasons why they always look for a partner
How many mistakes would we avoid in relationships if we knew how to differentiate between love and fear of being alone! And is that while it is true that falling in love has a very powerful emotional impact, the effects of the need to be in a relationship can be more lasting. In some cases, even, it can be a source of anguish that lasts for decades or practically all of life if something is not done about it.
¿Why is it that some people do not know how to be single and go constantly looking for a relationship? What can be done to get out of this situation? Let's see it
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People who do not know how to be single: why do they do it?
There are different reasons that lead people not to know how to live single, naturally or without causing harm to other people. These are several of them.
1. The myth of the half orange
Romantic love is based on a series of distorted ideas about how they are and how they should be affective relationships, and one of these misguided beliefs has to do with the myth of the average orange.
According to this conception of love, we are incomplete people until the moment when we find someone who complements us. Hence, singleness is seen as a waste of time and resources, the finding of a failure, given that it is a stage in which for some reason we are failing at the time of find the couple that will complete us and make us happy .
From this mental scheme, in addition, it is very easy to think in terms of "or white or black" and attribute all the evils that occur to the fact of not having a partner. If happiness does not appear in a relationship, this is interpreted as a sign that one is not well with that person, which leads to rupture and the immediate search for another relationship.
2. The need to go through "serial monogamy" so as not to feel bad
Oddly enough, sexuality outside marriage is still stigmatized today even in the most advanced and democratic countries. The fear of being bad seen by others makes some people talk about love when in fact they mean sex, so that singleness is associated with having a sex life null.
People who do not know how to be single for this reason, well, actually they do not have the means to live their sexuality fully and honestly , and although this may lead them to give false hopes to other people, they experience a repression that also causes discomfort to them.
3. Are victims of the rebound effect on love
There is a type of couple relationships that are known as rebound relationships, and that are characterized as actually being an emotional cover to cover the void left by an ex. In other words, there are people who do not know how to be alone because they try to find a way to experience again what they felt when they were with a certain person.
In these cases, the new relationships that begin usually last a short time because of the problems that arise in them; After all, another person is being used as "support for the imagination" in an experience that has more to do with simulating an experience than with living the real affection that someone is expressing.
- Related article: "Rebound relationships, or replace the ex after a break: a nail pulls out another nail?"
4. Social pressure and reputation search
Do not forget that the reason why a person does not get along with singleness does not have to be fundamentally in herself; the social context influences a lot.
Currently, especially in social circles where very young people predominate (adolescents and post-adolescents), not having a partner for a long time can be a source of teasing . Something that, regardless of whether we care or not what they think of us, has consequences for the life of who runs this danger: receive worse treatment, have less social support, etc. However, the opposite can also happen, seek fame by showing the amount of lovers you have (something more typical of men, since women can be stigmatized by this).
As a reaction to the possibility of staying alone in both love and in virtually any social environment, many young people are thrown to get a partner without paying too much attention to if they really feel something intense for the lover.
5. The search for power
Do not forget that some people just seek to have relationships as a pretext to be in a situation where you can easily dominate someone , manipulating it and having privacy.To do this, they look for people who are prone to let themselves be dominated if certain conditions are met and they start a relationship based on manipulation and psychological or physical abuse.
- Related article: "The 30 signs of psychological abuse in a relationship"
Anuptophobia, reaching mental disorder
In most cases, people who do not know how to be single are able to make certain order in their lives and are not constantly obsessed with that problem. However, there are very extreme cases in which the fear of being single becomes a form of phobia. This phenomenon is known as anuptophobia.
In these cases, the person feels a sense of loss of control that leads to having moments of crisis caused by the recurrent thought of not having a partner or to get to have a partner. It is necessary to go through a therapeutic program that allows us to return to normal, making this kind of fears and recurring thoughts appear less and less frequently.