The 8 steps to survive an awkward conversation
Whether you are thinking of telling your co-worker about the issue of personal hygiene, or if you have to face a dramatic situation in which someone needs to be comforted because something serious has happened, you are likely to feel pushed to remain silent .
It's natural, since these kinds of conversations are usually really uncomfortable .
How to deal with an uncomfortable interaction?
When there is a topic from which it is inevitable to slip away and we are unable to articulate a discourse towards that person, discomfort and environmental stress may increase.
Once you are determined to face the situation, do not forget these tips that will help you to ensure that the pending conversation does not turn into a bad drink .
1. Avoid the silences
The investigations reveal that, after only four seconds of uncomfortable silence, our anxiety levels skyrocket . Also, the more anxious you feel, the more it will cost you to articulate the words.
To avoid this, you should, as far as possible, plan the interaction with a little advance . If you know what you want to communicate, your message will be clear and clear and you will save the discomfort generated by a choppy conversation and the dreaded silences.
2. Talk in an intimate place
It is not a good idea to have a relevant conversation in a busy place with distractions (people nearby, noises ...). Find a private place where you can feel relaxed and where there are no people who can hear or meddle.
If it is the other person who starts talking about that uncomfortable topic before you, suggest that you find a comfortable place to discuss it in confidence and without external interference.
3. Take a seat
When you have to talk about an uncomfortable topic, it's a good idea that we are resting on a sofa or chair . We will feel more comfortable, especially if the issue is thorny or can lead to an important emotional shock.
This is an aspect that we commented on in the post: "How to give bad news? 12 emotional keys "When you feel together (or in front of) the other person, try to be at the same height . If you remain standing and the other person is sitting, you will give an image of superiority that can be very negative for the good of the interaction.
4. Start with a touch of attention
Hard conversations can be just as incisive but better received if you use a touch of previous attention. For example, instead of saying: "Miguel, the other workers can not stand more than a minute close to you", You can start with a phrase that softens the context , like: "Miguel, what I'm going to tell you can be a bit difficult to fit."
This nuance makes the other person have a few seconds to prepare mentally and emotionally for what you will tell him after a moment.
5. Accept your discomfort as normal
Trying to deny the discomfort can cause the opposite effect to the desired one. We can still feel more uncomfortable with the situation we have to face. If you notice something shaky, restless and you are unable to maintain eye contact with your interlocutor ... accept that you are a little nervous .
It is highly recommended that, in a situation of this kind, you can say a phrase that reveals the discomfort shared with the interlocutor. For example: "I feel a little uncomfortable talking about this." This It will make your interlocutor empathize with you and it is likely that the level of discomfort will decrease .
6. Be polite but also direct
It is essential that you manage to express yourself with correctness and trying not to be disrespectful. This is a basic advice: you must be careful if you want your message to come to fruition . However, you can run the risk of softening your words to the limit and this can generate a weak message that is not received with the necessary forcefulness on the part of your interlocutor.
Therefore, it is interesting that you stick to the facts, use assertiveness and send a clear message, without too many circumlocutions and going straight to the root of the matter.
7. Practice active listening
Communication is a matter of two. You must let your interlocutor process the information you just sent him, calmly. To be a good listener, It is important that you be receptive when listening to the other person's answer , trying to put the matter in common and trying to resolve some points or misunderstandings.
If what you have just expressed is especially hard, you must be prepared for the other person to experience (and express) intense emotions. These can range from shame or sadness, to fear or anger.In any case, you should try to make the person feel that he has a support in you, and give him a time so that he can face the situation.
Learn more: "Active listening: the key to communicating with others"8. Take the conversation to a clear term
Uncomfortable conversations they can also become endless and overwhelming situations where grudges or matters of the past can be brought out, leading us to an even more uncomfortable and absurd situation that only results in more discomfort and confusion.
To avoid this, you must have prepared in advance a way to close the conversation in a clear way and concise, in addition to explaining what we expect to result from the conversation. This way we will be "closing the situation" and sending a concrete and univocal message about the meaning of the interaction. If you want the other person to give explanations, let them know. If you want the conversation to end without more, also say it.
Bibliographic references:
- Koudenburg, N., et al., Disrupting the flow: How brief silences in group conversations affect social needs, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (2011), doi: 10.1016 / j.jesp.2010.12.006
