Why some couples are still together after infidelity
Relationships are based on love, respect and trust. While we do not have control over the first of these ingredients, the other two do have a place in our decisions and in the choices we make on a day-to-day basis.
However, when it comes to maintaining loyalty, it is very easy for a single mistake to throw away a project of courtship or marriage that takes months or years of travel. Overnight, everything can change, and even if infidelity is hidden, the feeling of guilt ends the relationship on many occasions.
But that does not always happen. There are cases in which the couple is still together after infidelity . Why does this happen? Let's see the causes of this phenomenon.
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Overcoming infidelity or self-deception?
An infidelity places us in a position in which we must necessarily choose between two options that have important emotional repercussions. Breaking with the couple implies leaving behind many of the elements of life that we had become accustomed to, as well as the need to see with different eyes the relationship from which we came out, and to spend some time alone. In turn, not separating from the couple implies continuing with a relationship that is very easy to doubt, and investing time and efforts in something that tomorrow can definitely break.
Infidelity is, by its very definition, a betrayal. That means It is not about having sex with someone you do not have a relationship with based on corresponded love; After all, there are open couples and polyamory.
Being unfaithful is basically breaking one of the commitments that they are part of the pillars in which a courtship or marriage is sustained . Normally, absolute sexual exclusivity is one of those commitments, but this is not always the case. In any case, almost all relationships require a certain degree of exclusivity to function (although it only consists of the privilege of devoting much more time and attention to the beloved person).
But there are many philosophies of life with which to confront infidelity when it has been committed. Many of them lead to end the relationship, understanding that it has no remedy or is based on a lie.
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Relationships that are reconstructed after the deceit to a couple
As far as is currently known, the factors that explain why certain couples continue to exist after infidelity known to both parties are the following.
1. Prefer happiness to justice
Happiness is something shared but fragile, while justice can be something unilateral, but it does not have to make us happy. The choice between justice and happiness governs many of the decisions that have to do with the question of whether to forgive an infidelity or not.
Many couples who remain together after infidelity bet on happiness through forgiveness . It may seem like an easy way out of the conflict, but it is not. Forgiving someone in a genuine way is complicated in these cases, and the person who has cheated on their partner often sees something in this that allows them to better appreciate the value of their courtship and marriage.
2. The beginning of a formal commitment
Many times, infidelity is due to an absence of well-established rules that govern the relationship. For example, it is not uncommon that at the beginning of relationships some people fear so much the possibility of overwhelming the other person that they try by all means to appear flexible and accommodating. This situation of ambiguity makes it possible commit an infidelity because of a gray area of morality that exists between clearly acceptable and clearly unacceptable.
Thus, the fact of having to face infidelity draws attention to this lack of communication and allows the couple to have a framework in which to speak for the first time of what their commitment will consist of.
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3. Couple therapy
Couples therapy is effective when intervening in many of the aspects that cause discomfort about infidelity: for example, to reduce the stress associated with conversations with the couple and for re-learn to talk constructively . This, while not guaranteeing the full recovery of mutual trust, makes it easier to reach it.
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4. A philosophy of life against absolutes
People who live love through absolute ideas of the style "infidelity has to be accompanied by a break in all cases" will probably not be able to detect those cases in which there is an opportunity to repair a relationship.
So, it is usually important to adopt the idea that every relationship is a world and that, although there are situations that are unsustainable in all cases (such as abuse), in some cases infidelity is not the end of the world.
People tend to underestimate our ability to change when it comes to love, usually because we are not able to find a way to create the ideal situation in which we are allowed to evolve in habits, values and beliefs.