How to argue with your partner constructively: 8 tips
Couple discussions are almost inevitable. Sooner or later, in a romantic relationship there are moments when there are conflicts of interest or expectations, or misunderstandings arise.
So, the problem is not whether to discuss or not, but how to do it. In this article we will see some Key ideas about how to discuss with your partner in the most constructive way possible .
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How to discuss with your partner managing communication well
It is clear that discussions are frequent, and practically everyone has gone through them. However, it is also true that we tend to associate the word "discussion" with moments of great anger in which two or more people shout and express their frustration, even though this is not the case.
Actually, arguing only means dealing with a problem and the reasons for or against two ways of dealing with it, regardless of whether there are feelings of anger or not .
Of course, the more personal and intimate a personal relationship, the more delicate the discussions are, so it is convenient to know how to manage it. And the scope of the couple is one of the examples of this.
So, let's look at several tips on how to argue with your partner constructively and oriented to the resolution of conflicts through dialogue .
1. Detect the fundamental problem to be treated
This is the first necessary step to discuss constructively. It is something that must be done between the two members of the couple, and that helps to get the discussion back on track and to give tools for do not let the subject change .
2. Face the discussion as a communicative issue
There are those who are tempted to turn the discussions into a battle in which they must be winners and losers. This frontist logic is totally contrary to the nature of constructive discussions, which are approached as a communicative phenomenon.
3. Distinguish feelings from the facts
It is fundamental that in a loving relationship there is a distinction between what one feels and what one does, since only the second can be known by the other from objective facts .
Thus, if in a discussion there are complaints about how bad you feel in certain circumstances related to the love life in common, you have to understand that that in itself is not something that the other person has done. What can be treated by attributing responsibility is what has been done by the other person and has been able to facilitate the emergence of those emotions.
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4. You have to know how to use the pauses
In the moments in which it seems that some of the people involved in the couple's discussion start to feel visibly frustrated and angry, we must leave a brief pause that serves to lower the tone and relax . This can be communicated explicitly, since it is a perfectly valid reason to postpone the exchange of arguments for a few minutes or seconds.
5. Do not take out old conflicts
Another issue related to the renunciation of discussions as contexts in which "overcoming" the other is the refusal to use these moments to vent and want to accuse the other for any issue that does not come to the case, using any excuse.
Any attempt to change the subject to bring out old personal quarrels should be seen as a red flag, a reason in itself not to give explanations on that subject and redirect the discussion towards the topic.
6. Do not interrupt
Something as simple as essential. If this principle is not respected, naturally the tone of the voice will go up , causing that also changes the type of personal implication that is printed on the discussion and entering the competitive logic for being that has the last word.
7. Rephrase what the other says
In key moments in which both of you have exposed your fundamental ideas, it is good to try to explain with your own words what the other has said. This serves both to show respect towards the other's ideas and to help to better understand the other person, by giving him the opportunity to correct us.
8. Practice assertiveness
The excesses related to anger and anger is not the only problem to prevent in a couple's argument. Further, there is a risk that one of the parties involved does not say everything they think Regarding the subject, whether due to insecurity or the adoption of a passive-aggressive attitude.
Bibliographic references:
- Harvey, J. H., Ormarzu, J. (1997). "Minding the close relationship". Personality and Social Psychology Review. 1: pp. 223-239.
- Tennov, Dorothy (1979). Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. New York: Stein and Day.
- Townsend, J. (1998). "What Women Want, What Men Want" Oxford University Press, United Kingdom.
