How to assert yourself before others, in 8 steps
There are people who have difficulty asserting themselves when talking with others, or with specific people or groups. This can be an important inconvenience, because the image of insecurity that they transmit means that they do not take into account what they say or even that, by extension, they do not take them into account.
In this article we will see Several tips on how to assert yourself when speaking both with regard to the content of what is said and the way in which it is said, including non-verbal language.
- Related article: "Assertive communication: how to express oneself clearly"
How to assert yourself in conversations and relationships
Interpersonal relationships and the conversations that take place in them are always somewhat complex.
On the one hand, correctly understand and interpret what the other says is already complicated in itself, but to that we must add that through dialogue you also have to solve clashes of interests, opinions and beliefs. Although the ability to use language has given us the possibility to connect better with others, also has caused us to use words to assert ourselves , to submit or to be submitted and, if we do not realize it, to enter into dynamics that erode our self-esteem.
As a result, there are people who have entered a dynamic in which they do not know how to express their ideas without feeling vulnerable, insecure. These are individuals who need to learn (and get used to) speaking with confidence, defending their point of view.
It is necessary to break that habit, composed of a set of habits related to the way of speaking and communicating in general, to gain confidence in personal relationships . So, to assert yourself, it is advisable that you follow the following key ideas.
1. Identify what you fail most
There are different ways of talking with insecurity. Therefore, the first thing is to see in what aspects we need more noticeable changes in our way of speaking and behaving in conversations.
A good way to start is to become familiar with the concept of passive communication, which is the most typical in people who need to learn to speak with confidence. This communicative style is characterized by the avoidance of direct confrontation , the expression of their own needs and feelings, and the maintenance of a low profile.
- Maybe you're interested: "Passive communication: what it is and how to recognize it in 4 characteristics"
2. Make sure you maintain eye contact
It is very important that most of the time there is visual contact, because if not, whoever is avoiding it will offer an image of insecurity, as well as hindering communication. To solve it, the easiest thing is not to obsess with just looking at the pupils of the other, and simply not to look away from the face of the other. In this way, without realizing and spontaneously, the eyes will meet and the contact will be maintained without you having to worry too much about it .
3. Do not keep a contracted posture
Avoid the positions and positions that keep your arms and legs very close to your vertical axis. Try to relax the muscles and make the arms move freely, keeping the forearms detached from the chest for most of the time (instead of keeping your arms crossed or having them with your hands close to your chest).
4. Get used to talking loud
It is important that the volume of your voice is appropriate. There are insecure people who, to avoid making a fool of themselves, they try to make what they say not notice much , but this is something to avoid, given that I join in a role of submission to those who are accustomed to speaking like that.
So, it is best to practice in front of a mirror and improvise so that, little by little, that volume of voice becomes more familiar and is used spontaneously, by default. It is important to do it with a certain regularity, so as not to lose part of the progress made in the previous sessions.
5. Avoid literally memorizing entire sentences
There are people who try to compensate for their insecurity by talking carefully planning what they are going to say in a conversation. This is something that it can generate more problems than it solves , because it requires a greater concentration of what it would cost to speak simply in a spontaneous way, since in them you have to be constantly remembering what you have to say according to the script made above.
So, the ideal is in any case to plan in advance, very briefly and only for important conversations, ideas that can be treated in a conversation, but without actually memorizing sentences.
6. Work your self-esteem
A part of the problem of speaking with insecurity has to do with something that is beyond communication and dialogue itself: it is about self-esteem.Working on it so that it does not deflate is important, because part of the problem often has to do with lack of self-confidence and in what can be offered in a conversation. With a few months of practice, if necessary attending the psychologist's consultation, it will be much easier to assert yourself.
- Related article: "Low self-esteem? When you become your worst enemy"
7. Reflect and learn
This is another way to gain security when talking: have conversation topics. For this, it is important not only to be original when it comes to making the dialogues turn to interesting topics, but have certain knowledge to transmit , even if only personal reflections or interesting opinions that do not have to be based on the memorization of specific data. When a person feels that simply having some knowledge of something can make it very easy to make a dialogue interesting, that gives him a lot of security.
- Maybe you're interested: "15 interesting and fun conversation topics"
8. Work your assertiveness
Expressing ideas or opinions that do not fit with those of others is not bad; it's natural. Therefore, it is necessary to work with assertiveness, which has to do with our ability to express ourselves defending our point of view while respecting others .
