How to start living for me and not for others? 7 keys
In personal relationships something curious happens: once we have decided to fight for the welfare of the people around us and we begin to sacrifice ourselves for others, our acts of kindness from the past can enslave us. Or, at least, if we lose control of the situation.
The reason for this is that if everyone assumes that we are there for what others need, stop offering our help and our efforts becomes a sign of selfishness, or even cruelty. Now, it is possible break with this dynamic and fight for oneself instead of always doing for others .
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7 keys to live for me and not for others
When it comes to gaining autonomy and freedom, it is necessary to act in our beliefs and thoughts as well as in our habits. Let's see how to do it. All this, to answer the question of: How to start living for me?
1. Work in self-pity
Some say that those who live for and for others do so because they experience something similar to masochism. These kinds of statements are clearly an exaggeration, but they contain some truth.
And it is that who has become accustomed to always sacrifice for other people does so based on a very internalized belief according to which one owes something to the rest ; that is, that their existence must be constantly compensated by good actions. The reasons why this belief has been adopted can vary greatly depending on the case, but that feeling of self-contempt is there.
That is why it is essential to work in self-pity, to embrace the habit of not judging oneself constantly and cruelly .
- Maybe you're interested: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"
2. Adopt a distance perspective
In situations where there are clashes of interests that usually resolve in one person always accepting the conditions of the others, it is good that the one who sacrifices herself learns to adopt a more objective perspective .
To do this, it is necessary to stick to data that is undeniable and draw conclusions from the reflection on them. To do this, it can even be useful to use a pen and paper and point out in a table the advantages and disadvantages that accepting that proposal has for oneself, on the one hand, and for the other person or organization, on the other.
3. Learn to say no
Something as simple as saying that not before certain requests does a lot of good, especially when up to that moment we were accepting any request that we had.
The complicated thing in these cases is to know how to manage the anxiety that can come to produce the situations in which we want to decline one of these "invitations" to make an effort so that another person can benefit from it. In this sense there is no more trick than to self-obligate yourself to it , firmly propose that, whatever happens, we must respond with a clear "no".
Think of it like this: it may seem cruel to you to have to do that, but that's only because you probably do not have the habit of making requests and "bad treatment" to others and, therefore, you have not gotten used to being denied this kind of Favors
- Related article: "Learning to say" No ""
4. Detects forms of manipulation
It's not easy, but to get rid of the habit of living for others, you have to learn to recognize manipulation where it occurs .
For example, accusations of having previously asked for favors that were not really taken care of or having a lot of free time may seem very obvious if they are explained in writing, but in the course of a real-time dialogue they can work and make us feel guilty in an irrational way, without falling into the cynical of this kind of approach.
5. Accept the possibility of letting people go
There are relationships that, although in many cases they started well, over time they are only maintained through emotional blackmail and entrenched conflicts. This is natural and with the passage of time it is almost inevitable that we do not go through one of these situations.
But more important than the pain that toxic relationships like these can cause us, is to accept that nothing happens by cutting off contact with someone that has been in our day to day for a long time. Basically because the opposite is that these people can use us as "hostages" to do what they want in exchange for not leaving our side.
6. Give yourself whims
Starting to respect oneself is a way to make our actions begin to form new beliefs about one's identity.And is that if we treat each other with respect and affection, in the end our own self-image has many possibilities to adjust to this new reality, shedding preconceived ideas of guilt. Self-esteem is also key in this process .
7. Throw yourself into new personal projects
If everyone seems very busy and asks you for things to help you achieve other people's goals, it can also be, in part, because you you do not have important goals to fulfill . Therefore, start adventures and develop projects that really interest you. Thus, it will leave you to use your time in activities that fill you, and not always to please others.
