How to talk to your ex after a time apart: 5 tips
Yes the process of the love break is already complicated in itself and carries with it a strong emotional charge, to meet again with a former partner is no less.
This is reflected when it comes to relating to those who were our lovers in the past, or even husbands and wives. Sometimes, these links are very damaged and it is very complicated to have a normal deal with the other person, but in others what happens is that we make the problem bigger than it really is, and that hurts the communication and feeds the unnecessary dramas .
Do not give up the possibility of having at least one more conversation with that significant person when it has been a while since the break is important, because it helps us recover from the psychological pain generated by the lack of love. Let's see, then, how to talk to your ex after a while , regardless of whether you have a partner or not.
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How to talk to your ex partner without losing control of communication
Something very significant about the extent to which the lack of love can affect us is the fact that many people prefer to completely cut off contact with their partners once the relationship ends and, when by chance there is a chance meeting on the street , a great discomfort invades them.
However, we really do not have to fear the possibility of talking to a former partner; we should not assume that these encounters should be traumatic. It is even possible that, after some time has passed since the breakup, in some cases a friendship appears. In the following lines, then, we will see several tips on how to talk to your ex without entering into dynamics that favor conflict or avoidable emotional wounds .
1. Find your main objective
Faced with a situation in which it is easy for so many emotions to surface, it is possible that we find ourselves lost, without knowing very well what to do. Therefore, we must try to find the specific objective that we pursue when talking with our ex-partner.
First, we must distinguish between chance encounters and relatively predicted conversations.
In the first case we may have to decide on the fly, based on what we feel, what we want . In many cases, we will only be guided by a slight curiosity if there is no genuine interest in the stage of life that person is going through, and in this situation it is perfectly correct to point out in a subtle way that we are not looking for a very long and deep conversation.
In case the conversation has been planned, We will have more time to think what we want. A clue: if our goal is to relieve ourselves, it is advisable not to talk to the other person, because this can rekindle the discomfort of the time of the break. Whatever happens, the conversation should not be based on confrontation, although it does not have to be very close and friendly.
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2. Act in accordance with what you have shared
For good and for bad, a former partner knows many things about us, and we also know many things about her. Because, it is out of place to express oneself with too rigid a formality , or with an attitude of absolute ignorance before what the other person explains to us.
3. Avoid attributing blame
Not obsessing with attributing blame is a sign that the breakup of the couple has been overcome. That does not mean, of course, not thinking that it is possible to detect a responsible person in certain problems of the past, but it does mean that the need to remind the other person of the existence of these faults is not strong enough to make the conversation revolve around it .
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4. Keep in mind why the relationship ended
Do not forget those revealing experiences that once were related to the outcome of the rupture. It is one thing not to reproach, and another thing is to show that we did not learn anything during that love relationship.
5. Do not suggest plans without previous signs
If you want to return to normalize the relationship and make it go from non-existent to friendly, do not start proposing plans; wait to see if the other person expresses in a friendly and open way, instead of distant and distrustful.
If the first case occurs and this attitude has been maintained for several minutes in which more or less personal issues have been addressed, you can try to propose a plan , but only if it has become clear that you do not want to have an intimate relationship like the one you had in the past.
Anyway, if your former partner refuses, you should accept this as normal, because in this kind of contexts it is relatively normal and may be part of a decision that the other person has made a priori, before even talking to you, for simple caution.
Bibliographic references:
- Giles, James (1994). "A theory of love and sexual desire". Journal for the Theory of Social Behavior. 24 (4): pp. 339-357.
- Lynn, Adele B. (2000). 50 activities to develop emotional intelligence. Madrid: Ramón Areces Study Center.
