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Why putting limits on relationships is healthy

Why putting limits on relationships is healthy

March 14, 2023

Put limits on personal relationships means to let other people know that you have different wants and needs than yours. But, besides doing it, we respect each other.

And, although setting limits may seem an unnecessary imposition if we have a certain conception of what are fluid personal relationships, the truth is that this kind of strategies based on assertiveness, in practice, allows us to be more free.

  • Related article: "Learning to say" No ""

Why can it cost to set limits?

Many and different may be the reasons that intervene in the difficulty of setting limits:


1. A skewed view about who wants what

The poor differentiation between oneself and others , which causes that it is not known with certainty where the own needs begin and those of the other.

2. Fear of conflict

The person avoids entering into conflict at all times by feeling unable to defend their opinions. Due it avoids expressing one's opinion and disagreement with the other .

3. Emotional block to the anger or anger of the other person

For this reason, on many occasions, the person is complacent (very reluctantly) with the needs of others.

4. Fear of being rejected by the other person

It consists of fear of emotional, social, family, and work rejection. It can also appear fear of losing the love and the other person's love, and panic to be criticized.


5. Lack of assertiveness

Learn to say that it can not be complicated. The not knowing how to communicate our limits it can cause us to avoid talking about them, reinforcing and thus maintaining the situation of being unable to expose them.

6. Low self-esteem

Feeling no right to defend your own needs inhibits the presentation of them. The person, feeling without this recognition, may consider that their needs are not as important as those of others, "Mine can wait."

  • Related article: "Low self-esteem? When you become your worst enemy"

7. Difficulty in managing frustration and anger

When feeling emotional tools to manage these emotions, the person can choose to "swallow", causing the fact that caused them (in this case the need to put a limit) is not managed, choosing to prioritize the demands of the other .


8. Experience feelings of guilt

This can be frequent when we try to defend our desires. The person can experience blame in the fact of asserting their needs .

9. Difficulty in decision making

Deciding requires acceptance and rejection.

Why setting limits makes us feel better?

Self-esteem benefits, social skills and assertiveness increase and the feeling of internal security is improved. All this is reflected in interpersonal relationships. The people around you will know where your limits start and end , this will bring favorable consequences in you and in your relationships:

1. The people around you can know you more

Paradoxically, the fact of always giving in to the expectations of others takes us away from the people we are with.

2. Create egalitarian relationships

You give them the opportunity, and you too, to relate to them as equals, without the need to subordinate yourself to their mandates.

3. It promotes honest communication

They will be able to take into account your needs and wishes, which will avoid misunderstandings and will favor a sincere relationship based on mutual respect.

4. Prevents crisis of stress and frustration

You will not feel the obligation to put the needs of others before their own. This will prevent you from experiencing feelings of stress, frustration, anxiety and overwhelm in personal, family, social, and work relationships.

  • Maybe you're interested: "10 essential tips to reduce stress"

5. Lengthen the life of your relationships

All of the above will improve the flow of communication within your relationships, increasing quality and satisfaction with them.

6. You add coherence to your actions

Another benefit of knowing and exposing your own limits is that you will create a consistent internal discourse, in addition to feeling coherence between your thoughts, emotions and actions, thus increasing the sense of control over your life.

The key is assertiveness

Knowing how to put limits on others and communicate them appropriately allows us to create and strengthen feelings related to autonomy, personal value, sociability, creativity, personal well-being and creativity. It makes it possible to identify and adequately define the needs from each moment, making the person protagonist of his choices feel, thus generating the tranquility of feeling responsible and trusting in the scenario of life.


Good boundaries free you | Sarri Gilman | TEDxSnoIsleLibraries (March 2023).


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