10 strategies to improve your child's self-esteem
As parents, it is impossible for us to protect our children from all the situations and problems they will have to face throughout their lives. Children must grow and develop in environments where parents are not present to lend a hand .
However, we have a fundamental tool to help children become self-sufficient and make their own decisions: self-esteem.
Self-esteem in children: several previous clarifications
Fundamentally, we can say that Children's self-esteem begins to form based on the relationships established with people in their immediate environment: parents, siblings (if any), teachers and playmates .
Self-esteem is expressed through the emotions and feelings that the child shows and depends largely on their self-image and their perception of self-efficacy. If the child feels confident in his own abilities and abilities, the most natural thing is that he develops a high self-esteem. Otherwise, if the child does not trust his potential and has a bad perception of his abilities and abilities, he will consolidate certain negative ideas and feelings towards himself, leading to low self-esteem.
It may interest you: "The insecure child: causes, signs and symptoms"The role of parents in the emotional well-being of the child
As parents, We have a great responsibility to promote good self-esteem in our children .
Many times, Low infant self-esteem is closely related to bad habits and the dynamic dysfunctional relationships we learned from our parents . If we do not give importance to these aspects in the upbringing of children, we run the risk that they will grow and consolidate some negative feelings and a bad perception about themselves.
More on this topic: "Tips to nourish your child with emotional intelligence"10 strategies, techniques and tricks to increase your child's self-esteem
1. Be a role model
It is one of the most effective strategies: If you are a positive role model for your child, he will learn from your way of being and doing . Children learn by imitating adults. Therefore, it is not effective to order them to have certain habits and customs if then we, as parents, are the first to act in the opposite way.
If the child observes that you are a person who does not value himself, who is complaining all day and who shirks his tasks and responsibilities, the most natural thing is that he ends up adopting this negative model and ends up looking like you. For this reason we need to take care of our own self-esteem, as well as our habits and values .
Learn to improve your self-esteem: "10 keys to increase your self-esteem in 30 days"2. Set limits and standards
It is important that as parents we can establish clear limits and norms so that our children can develop correctly . These limits not only let you know that there are things that should not be done, but that they transmit a framework of interactions in which they can feel comfortable and safe, and therefore lay the foundations of a good self-esteem.
Evidently, these limits must be coherent and reasonable .
3. Censoring the error, not the person
There are different ways to correct our child when he makes a mistake: we can scold and criticize him personally or we can focus our observation on inappropriate behavior .
It is essential that as parents we understand that we must avoid making the child feel excessively guilty of the mistake he has made, because it could be the case that he associates the mistake made with his own personality. Therefore, we should not use phrases of the style "You are not good for anything". Focus on the behavior and do not make value judgments about the child .
4. Value the effort, not the result
When we start a path, we must not reduce everything to the final result but to the challenge that has involved it and in the personal development and experience that we have acquired trying to achieve our objectives .
We must be aware that the effort we have invested in this activity that motivates us is much more important than the fact that we have been able to reach the goals we had set for ourselves, or not. For this reason It is essential that we value the efforts of the children, even if for some reason they have not been able to do it successfully. . In this way we will be able to make him notice that if he makes an effort in the things he will be able to advance properly, and that the obstacles that are found will only be temporary.
5. Detect and correct your limiting beliefs
Rational thinking of children goes through different phases of maturation, and this implies that they do not always follow a logical coherence . At times, they may be nurturing certain irrational and erroneous thoughts about themselves, which can negatively affect their self-esteem.
If you identify any of these limiting or mistaken beliefs, it is important that you do everything possible to correct it, so that it does not consolidate in your mind . For example, we should avoid having hobbies about their physical appearance or that they doubt their intellectual capacities. We must teach them to love themselves as they are. We must help our children to look at themselves objectively, so that they can form a realistic and positive self-concept.
6. Show unconditional love towards your child
Many parents make a common mistake: encourage that children have to "win their love" behaving well or fulfilling certain academic achievements or any other type or . If we make them see that our affection is not unconditional, the child will base their self-esteem on the approval of others and we will encourage them to have a withdrawn personality.
To avoid this, parents we must offer our unconditional love towards them . This does not mean that we should tolerate negative behaviors, but we do have to show our understanding and affection even though the child may make mistakes and have some limitations. In bad times, for example when he has made a mistake that has made him feel bad, is when a child needs to know that we support him and that we feel very proud of him.
7. Encourage the child to assume certain risks
Overprotective parents raise children with low self-esteem . If we do not allow our son to test his skills and abilities, he will not know what his limits are and therefore he will not be able to improve his aptitudes, which will encourage him to be an insecure and fearful child.
Therefore, it is convenient that from an early age we stimulate our children to face certain challenges, even when it may involve a risk, yes, controlled. This will allow them to improve their skills and expand their world . It is important to emphasize that the identity of the child is being built through each new experience, therefore it is not appropriate to limit its field of action.
8. Let the little one make mistakes
Each error is a new learning. We must not fall into the tendency to excessively direct the child's life , because we will be limiting their possibilities to learn and emerge reinforced both maturationally and in confidence towards oneself. The life lessons that are learned in each experience can be important for their development.
We must encourage children, far from experiencing frustration, to experiment with new challenges and support them when they need it so they can scale their cognitive abilities and self-confidence.
9. Avoid exaggerating your achievements and aptitudes
A good self-esteem is not the same as an artificially inflated self-esteem , but has its foundation in a balanced and realistic self-concept. Therefore, we should not try to flatter the child all the time and exaggerate their personal skills and achievements, but simply have to leave a record of their good results thanks to the effort and effort that he has put into the task.
In fact, wanting to exaggerate the virtues of children can have the opposite effect to what we would like, since we can lower their self-esteem . So, if for example he is good at playing football, we can let him know and motivate him, but it is not a good idea to put him in the head that will be the next Leo Messi, because he can carry excessive pressure and nothing realistic.
To extend this point: "Pygmalion Effect: children end up being the longings and fears of their parents"10. Spend quality time with him
A good idea to help develop good self-esteem in your child is get him to understand that he is very important to you . For that, you should try to dedicate quality time.
We already know that adult life is full of schedules and obligations that do not allow us to be as long as we would like with our children. If you can not attend at a specific time, it is preferable that you let them know and that at another time you dedicate your attention. The child should note that although we can not be with him whenever we want, we have a great interest in meeting his needs and bring him all the possible love.
