6 ways to ruin a relationship that works
Whether we want it or not we humans live interconnected both physically and emotionally. Neither our personality nor our actions would be as they are if it were not because throughout our lives we have gone through all kinds of experiences that we have shared with others.
This means that we have an almost automatic tendency to interact with others, to initiate conversations, to be interested in what attracts the attention of the other and, in many cases, to establish an affective bond with people that we select . Both friendship and relationships are normal because we are essentially social animals. But that does not mean that we are always perfectly good at maintaining those relationships.
And as in the essential these links have irrational foundations based on love, sympathy or love, it is also easy to fall into traps that lead us to deteriorate the quality of that emotional connection. Accidents happen in any area of life, but in the case of relationships, in addition, we are prone to not see them coming. We run the risk of falling into one of the many ways to ruin a relationship that worked fine
- Related article: "The 6 main types of toxic relationships"
Attitudes and actions capable of ruining a relationship
These are the main traps that can transform a healthy relationship into a nightmare that is heading towards self-destruction.
1. Convert the relationship into a competition
Sharing something with someone means enjoying the double of certain experiences, but it also means taking on twice the risks that this relationship ends up breaking. Something that at first seems like a small misstep can grow like a snowball downhill if the dynamics of the dialogue are focused on defending one's pride above anything else, or showing that one is better than the other.
Paradoxically, trying to give the best possible image can have the opposite effect on the other person if it feels that it is being underestimated or treated unworthily .
2. Decide that commitments are no longer valid
The idea that relationships should be free can lead to rejecting those pacts that both people had respected so far. However, in practice there is no relationship that resists the absence of commitments that give shape and stability.
The reason is that the deeper a relationship is, the more it must be done on our part to make it have continuity and perseverance, because without that there may be cases of involuntary emotional blackmail, distrust and fear of opening up to the other . If someone deserves our time and our attention, the logical thing is to show that we value that by modifying our life to make sure that the other will continue to be part of it.
- Related article: "Emotional blackmail: a powerful form of manipulation in the couple"
3. Forget talking about yourself
Certain forms of friendship can withstand the passage of time without dialogue, but in the case of deeper relationships, falling into this dynamic always leads to very negative results.
And is that if every emotional relationship is based on certain commitments, one of the most undervalued and least talked about is the habit of simply talking .
The most withdrawn people may have become accustomed to not talking about themselves to others, but when you have a loving bond or an intimate friendship, not doing so implies introducing a strong asymmetry in the relationship.
The other person may perceive that she is not valued or even that she is not being listened to (since in a dialogue the normal thing would be to make comments talking about comparisons with one's life), on the one hand, or that things are hidden , for the other. In short, situations can occur in which what should be a deep and stimulating conversation seems more like a monologue.
4. Talk only about oneself
The other side of the coin is to use the relationship to have someone listen to the narration of one's life. This, although it is not noticed, gives the image that the life of the other does not matter at all , or that only interested to know their opinions about what happens to us, but not their own stories and experiences.
Of course, a relationship in which this has happened from the beginning has already begun with serious flaws in its foundations, but there are times when periods of stress cause a person who until now was related normally to become obsessed with what it happens to him and, consequently, to speak only of that.
5. Let the other make all the decisions
It may seem like a very good option for some, but giving the other person the role of decision-maker set a precedent that in the long run tends to be very negative . And no, it's not only because if the decision is wrong, the arguments can appear.
And is that although some people prone to indecision see a relief in the possibility of asking the other to decide for them, this dynamic does not affect only the small details of life.
Over time, the fact of getting used to being one that makes the decisions and that the other is who accepts them can be transformed into an unequal dynamic of power . Little by little the decisions that one is in charge of are more and more important, until there comes a point where if the other disagrees, this is seen as something strange, inappropriate.
6. Try to change the other person so that we like more
Romantic love, that phenomenon that until recently has been accepted without question in relationships, has made many people believe that any sacrifice is good if that entails making the bond that binds two people stronger.
This has many negative effects, and one of them is that we accept as normal that we try to change to please the other more , or even that the other asks us to change not because it is beneficial for oneself, but because it would generate more attraction.
It is one of the ways to ruin a more frequent and harmful relationship because, in the end, the idea that is perpetuated is that someone is owned by someone , and that virtually any sacrifice should have its place in the relationship. Although initially the effects of the idealization of the other make their defects are disguised, at the time they come to light we must decide whether we accept them or are so serious that the relationship must end.