Flirt without flirting: The 8 beginner seducer mistakes
It's finally Saturday night! The week has passed, and we have been anxious for the weekend to arrive and be able to go out and get involved.
Error!
Focusing only on linking, will not help us in any case. Excessive motivation can affect our effectiveness and will cause us, if we do not achieve our sole objective, to leave home alone and defeated. Are you one of those who go out at night with the only thought of approaching all the women who cross you to see if any itches? You are using a wrong strategy, very wrong.
If you feel like it, take a look at this post: "10 ways to be more attractive (scientifically proven)"We have to learn to flirt without flirting!
Flirt without flirting, is it possible?
I guess you're thinking: What the hell is this "flirt without flirting"?
Well, it may seem like a tautology or nonsense, but it is a philosophy that works for more and more men who want to meet women. If you keep reading, you will understand why some things work when it comes to seducing girls while others do us to failure.
8 beginner seducer mistakes and 8 solutions to improve your social skills
Although this statement seems strange, we will explain below eight errors that we usually all commit when we go out to meet girls , and eight solutions to learn to have fun and not focus on flirting.
1. Go out to flirt
As we have pointed out in the introduction, if we devote all our energies and time in flirting and talking to girls, we will be betting everything on a single letter and, if we fail, this will affect our self-esteem. Flirting is just one more thing we can do in a social context. An interesting thing, without a doubt, but not the only one or the most important one.
We need to keep in mind that it's more positive to go out and have fun and socialize with all kinds of people regardless of their sex. Starting to talk with our friends and acquaintances and have fun with them will help us forget about flirting and relax us.
2. There is the girl of my dreams, I am going to leave her open-mouthed flaunting my sympathy and my gift of people
A girl is at the bar with a friend, she attracts us and we feel the urgent need to link her to us. We think of an ingenious way of approaching and impressing her and, when we decide to talk to her, we feel that fear invades and paralyzes us.
Error!
We do not have to impress anyone . We have not come to make fireworks or a show of something as simple as talking to someone. We have to adapt to the social skills we have at that moment. It's not about liking anyone: it's about know tosomeone. Important nuance. If we give much importance to the interaction, it is more likely that we will invade the fear of failing and doing something wrong. The most successful will be to approach that girl immediately with humility and try to have fun with her. A simple Hello, sometimes, it works better than the most ingenious phrase in the world.
3. Get out of here!
We have managed to get closer to her; we have her in front of us and we see that she is as beautiful as she seemed from afar. We look at it and we realize that it looks serious and tired. The fear of rejection invades us again , we turn around and we leave there in a hurry, before he releases us clutter or do not even talk to us and turn our faces.
Error!
We have already pointed out that we must approach a girl to have fun and not to flirt with her . But it is probable that, although we have assumed this concept, we are still afraid to feel rejected. The girls, especially in a nightclub, are accustomed and saturated to be the target of the glances and receive thousands of comments from guys who want to flirt with them. It is normal that they do not like the fact that "another heavy person" approaches.
For this reason we have to understand athletically that many people look at us in a hostile way. We do not take this into account and we apologize for their initial reluctance. We continue wanting to have fun and if you do not accept our door open to fun, they miss it. And if, in addition, she is rude to us, let us apologize for her lack of tact; we will find someone educated who deserves our attention.
4. You pity!
We return, with our group of friends, happy and happy because we have unmasked another unfriendly. It has not affected us at all and we have also had fun with the failure, but our friends say different : they tell us that we are ridiculous behaving like this and that we are embarrassed by others; we should do like them and not try to be what we are not. We bow our heads and, in silence, we think they are right: we swear never to approach a girl again in what remains of night.
Error!
If our friends have paid an entrance to stay drinking, to see life pass in front of their noses and all they know how to do is put sticks on the wheels, it is their problem, not ours. We do not have to be ashamed of our interest in meeting new people and have fun with it. And if they do not understand it and they keep laughing at us maybe we should start to ask who our friends really are.
5. This is a joint
We have spent more than an hour in that place, we look around us and discover that we do not like the music they play or the people attending the party.
Error!
It is important that we choose the places we go to because Our main objective is have fun and feel at ease. If we do not like music and we feel that we have nothing in common with anyone, we will feel like "weirdos". Next time we should think better where we want to go. That will make things easier for us. If we have things in common with the attendees, it will be easier to feel one of them and, probably, we will have more things to share with them and, therefore, it will be easier for us to start a conversation, for example, about tastes and hobbies.
6. I need one more cup
To try to disinhibit us and start showing us more sociable, we invest money and time in drink alcohol .
Error!
Drinking will not help us . Perhaps it makes us feel more sociable transitorily but it will take away control over ourselves and, if we spend drinking, the only thing we will achieve is to increase our probability of being rejected by drunks. Drinking has to be a social act, not a necessity. Let's not use the drink as a drug and much less as an excuse for our failures by saying "I did not check because I was too drunk". Let's learn to overcome fear without the need for narcotics. Being under adequate control of our social skills will help our assertiveness and ability to relate to others.
7. Sex is the most important thing in the world
There are five minutes to close the club, we have met a couple of girls but it is not enough: we want to go home accompanied because we have not slept with anyone for a long time and, we feel that if we do not, we will be lost because sex is the best thing in the world.
Error!
Despair and need they are not attractive . We have to understand that sex is an added incentive of life but that nobody has died for not having sex. There are four primary motives that move the human being: hunger, thirst, sleep and sex. If we do not eat for a long time we die, if we do not drink in a long time we die, if we do not sleep for a long time we die and If we do not have sex for a long time, nothing happens because nobody has died due to lack of sex , and the species will not be extinguished if we do not have sex.
We have to start to value other things, besides sex, that make us feel good; like doing sports, having fun with friends, studying, learning to play an instrument ... We have to base our self-esteem on things that only depend on us and sex is not one of them. We are not less interesting or less men because we do not have sex every weekend.
8. I hate girls, they are all the same and I will die alone
We are in the subway, on the way home, alone or accompanied by our friends, and we do not have the strength to keep up. We make a review of how the night has gone and the last forces we have invested in drawing a single conclusion: I detest the girls!
Error!
Misogyny and machismo has never been attractive to someone with stable self-esteem and, in addition, we will be undermining our future interactions. Protecting our self-concept in this way will make us feel good at that moment, but no matter how many times we repeat it a thousand times we will not be right. The girls could also think that about us. They might think that there are no kids that know how to treat girls and that we all go to the same thing.
We better invest our energies in thinking what we have done wrong and how we can correct our mistakes and improve in future interactions. And also, let's think about the good times ; in what we have laughed with our friends, in that song that we like so much and we have danced as if there was not a tomorrow. Let's rejoice that we have approached a girl and we have overcome our fears a little more. Let's rejoice that we are becoming more and more like that person we want to become.
Conclusions
In summary, we have to learn to go out to have fun and not to flirt . Flirt without flirting, it should be the slogan of this article. Being afraid of the results will make us give too much importance to something as simple and harmless as meeting new people.
Learn to develop our social skills it is a slow process that will probably be full of successes and also failures. Rejoicing in our successes and learning from our failures will make us believe a belief system that plays into our favor.Flirting is not the most important thing in the world, we have a life full of friends and loved ones that we have to take care of, starting with ourselves.
