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From friends to boyfriends: testing the limits of the Friendzone

From friends to boyfriends: testing the limits of the Friendzone

March 29, 2024

There is an unwritten law that seems to establish an unbreakable principle of human relationships: lovers can be friends, but friends can not be lovers . This rule has become so entrenched in our collective imagination that it can even be labeled with a word that comes from English: the friendzone , that is, the framework of relationships in which two people know each other so much without having been romantically involved that they will no longer have the opportunity to go out as a couple, have sex or let the relationship continue to develop into more intimate areas.

Exporando a new concept: the 'friendzone'

And it is that, in fact, in another article we asked ourselves a question similar (or perhaps opposed) to that of today: can there be friendship between a man and a woman? That is, are we humans capable of having sincere friendship with people of the opposite sex that we might potentially be attracted to?


But, in regard to today's topic ... To what extent does this friendzone rule exist and work? Are we really prone to an irremediable lack of romantic or sexual interest in the other person when it has been a while since nothing has arisen?

If this were true, no relationship between lovers could work if there had been a time between the time these two people met and the point at which they started to stay for something else, but also, that would mean that if one of the two parties would like to deepen their relationship with the other would have great chances of facing the rejection .

Is there room for hope?

It seems that yes . An investigation whose results have been published in the journal Psychological Science seems to point towards the fragility of the limits of the friendzone. The team that conducted this study analyzed the cases of 167 couples of lovers (whose members could be married or not). Specifically, they measured the time these couples had been dating, the period of time from when they met until they started dating, and the degree of attractiveness of each member of the couple. The latter could be measured using a group of students as a jury in charge of scoring each person from 1 to 7.


Interestingly, the researchers They detected a correlation between the disparity in the attractiveness of each member of the couple and the period of time between when they met and started dating. . In particular, couples whose members were more similar in terms of attractiveness took less time to start dating, while in cases where one of the two was more attractive than the other the opposite happened: it took longer to start a relationship more intimate.

The limit seemed to be around the nine months between the time of the beginning of the first conversations and the one that corresponds to the beginning of a relationship as lovers. On average, the couples who had started dating together before those nine months they had a similar degree of attractiveness , and the opposite happened with the rest of the cases.

This discovery, while not denying the possibility that there may be a certain tendency towards the maintenance of the frienzone in much of the friendly relations, yes it shows its chiaroscuros . In many cases, the friendzone could be no more than an expression of the lack of attraction in an initial stage caused by a perceived difference in the attractiveness of the other person. However, deepening this friendship could compensate for this initial rejection and lead to a more intimate relationship once overcome certain pitfalls.


The friendzone and its shadows

The conclusion of this study it seems to be an affirmation and at the same time a denial of the friendzone . He affirms it because it shows an interaction between the amount of time that passes without there being anything more than a friendship and a variable related to the search for a partner and the selection of possible sexual companies, but he denies it by showing that this temporary wall can be broken.

Despite this, much remains to be investigated about these successfully consolidated relationships that seem to have passed the friendzone phase. It is not known, for example, what role the prejudices in the first months of friendship, and if these are a powerful brake for the creation of a relationship as lovers. It is also not clear if this nine-month period should be understood as a stage in which one person pretends to the other and a clear rejection occurs, or if at the beginning there is no intention to advance further in the relationship by any of the two parties. , perhaps, to the lack of expectations due to the perceived difference in the attractiveness of each member of the relationship).In addition, it is doubtful that each of the parties has a criterion similar to that of the student jury used in this investigation when judging one's own attractiveness and that of the other person.

We do not know very well either this correlation is due to unconscious tendencies or if they are part of a conscious strategy . Perhaps, one of the two people takes some time before trying to take the step in their relationship with the other to try to reduce the chances of rejection.

The boundaries between friendship and love are very diffuse

Anyway, the limit between friendship and the love relationship seems to be diffuse , as much as attractiveness can play a role in this. It is possible that what is popularly known as friendzone is no more than another component of those norms of purely cultural roots with which we try to put some order in our style of relating and, in fact, it seems to indicate also some surveys, like this one.

For now, it would be wise to be cautious and not to take this study as an irrefutable proof of the logic that governs the transition from friendship to sex or the romantic relationship. In the end, that would mean validating a principle, that of the friendzone, which has not yet been validated.

Bibliographic references:

  • Hunt, L.L., Eastwick, P.W. and Finkel, E.J. (2015). Laveling the Playing Field: Longer Acquaitance Predicts Reduced Assortative Mating on Attractiveness. Psychological Science, consult online at //www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26068893

People Who are Clearly in the Friend Zone (March 2024).


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