How to communicate better in a relationship: 9 tips
Some people take relationships as if they were a battlefield in which what matters is to be right and impose one's point of view. There are others who, on the contrary, base their dialogues with the couple in renouncing once again after being able to express themselves, to the point of accepting by default that it is the opinions of that other person that count.
Of course, none of the above makes it easy for us to establish strong and stable affective bonds. The existence of this type of tension makes it necessary to bet on communicate better in the couple's relationship .
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What to do to communicate better in a relationship
These tips on how to communicate better in a relationship give a general idea of how a dynamic of healthy dialogue should be in the daily life of life together.
1. Avoid discussing hot
The first step is simple and, while it does not flow ideas from one person to the other, helps to keep the communication problem from getting bigger . Basically, it consists of starting by avoiding trying to discuss or dialogue if we are already in a very disturbed emotional state and we have not yet gone through the steps that we will see next.
In this way, we will be contributing to diminish the possibilities of engaging in highly unproductive verbal fights. When emotions control us completely and we adopt an antagonistic attitude, the result will hardly be positive.
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2. Organize your ideas
When you detect an aspect in which your ideas and those of your partner are not in tune or clash frontally (creating a clear opposition), spend a little time think about what is, exactly, what generates the disagreement or confusion .
Distinguish each of these ideas, interests, desires or beliefs and see how they differ from one another will help you order them in order of importance, prioritizing those that should be communicated with greater emphasis. In this way, it will be easier to create a "speech" with a more coherent backbone that truly reflects what we want to express.
3. Think about what your partner does not know
Many times we forget this point, and it is basic. Our partner is, by definition, another person, and therefore or knows the same as us. Because you have to take into account these gaps in your level of knowledge and act accordingly; for example, stopping to explain better something necessary to understand the main message we want to convey.
4. Find the right context to communicate what is important
The care when choosing the context in which to communicate something must be directly proportional to the importance of what you want to say. If you think that the subject gives to talk a lot, it makes sense that you do not start that conversation at a time when you are both "in step". If this happens by accident, it is better stop and agree another time to talk, if possible .
On the other hand, to talk about intimacy issues it is good to choose secluded places. In this way we will be removing potential communication barriers based on the feeling of shame or concern for other people judging you.
5. Speech mixing the abstract with the concrete
Another key to communicate better with the couple is not to assume that the other person wants to understand perfectly everything we feel even if we use a very abstract or ambiguous language to communicate.
So, it is necessary to relate everything we say about our feelings with experiences of daily life, especially if they involve our partner .
6. Do not fear the clash of interests
In a couple relationship it is normal to have some interests that are opposed. It is a consequence of forming a group (in this case, a very small one, of two). Individuals do not cease to exist because they form something greater than the sum of themselves, as is a loving relationship. Denying that kind of tension will only chronify a problem which can bring many unpleasant surprises and disappointments.
7. Avoid the competitive attitude
When it comes to communicating better with the couple, what is involved is to seek a better fit and consensus, not to win. Because, monitor the way you are participating in the dialogue and, if you detect that you are entering a kind of contest to see who is talking the longest or who shouts the most, correct this. Failure to do so will increase the chances of your partner also adopting that confrontational attitude.
8. Take time to recap
Every so often, when you notice that important ideas have emerged in the conversation, make a recap of what has been said both by you and by your partner. This serves both to nuance ideas and to introduce a moment of "pause" and favorable rest for calm the spirits in case there is a certain risk of anger, boredom or frustration , since it induces us to adopt a more distanced perspective of oneself.
9. Avoid falling into fallacies
Fallacies are argumentative "traps" that, in many cases, are easy to detect as such. Therefore, avoid its use. Not only because they do not contribute anything or improve the quality of the dialogue, but because they can be seen as disrespectful , a waste of time in exchange for trying to convince the other person in a sloppy way. Try to take control of the value of honesty both when presenting your ideas and when talking about your partner's ideas.
- Related article: "The 10 types of logical and argumentative fallacies"