Jealousy between brothers: how to detect them and what can we do?

Jealousy between brothers is one of the main problems of some families in which there are young children. And is that while childhood is a time of discovery and illusion, it is also true that this is a phase in which the relative irrationality of children can be combined with competitive moods and the need for acceptance and attention, resulting in an explosive mixture.

The simple fact of ceasing to be the center of care from the moment a little brother or sister is born, sometimes produces a frustration difficult to manage for a minor. However, sometimes it is not the birth order that triggers this type of conflict between the children, and the root of the problem may be in a self-esteem damaged by other factors.

In any case, it is clear that it is necessary to recognize the symptoms of jealousy among brothers to intervene as soon as possible and bring peace to a relationship that should only be characterized by affection .

• Related article: "The types of jealousy and their different characteristics"

Symptoms or signs that there is jealousy between siblings

Each family is different, so, to some degree, it is normal for there to be variability in the way in which jealousy between siblings expresses themselves. However, there are certain dynamics of behaviors that are very frequent when these intrafamily conflicts appear . They are the following.

1. Teasing at the slightest opportunity

Where there is jealousy between brothers, there are ridicules, since these are a way to disguise an attack making him go through an act of humor expression.

2. Direct aggressions

These types of attacks, which consist of actions aimed at causing pain to the other, are more typical of children than of adolescents, although can occur in both age ranges . Among the boys are more frequent, and when the jealousy is very intense, it is not even necessary that there is an excuse to attack the other.

3. Indirect aggressions: attempts to get your friends away

Indirect aggression is one in which the social circles that support a person are moved away from it, leaving it in a situation of relative isolation . This is very typical of brothers who are jealous, especially in the case of girls and adolescents, while boys are more prone to direct aggression.

4. Attempts to get the attention of parents

This symptom appears more clearly in children who have not yet gone through puberty, while in teens this tends to occur less frequently and in a more subtle way , given that at this stage young people have a relatively self-sufficient Ideal Self model that does not need the opinions of fathers and mothers.

For example, what in childhood may consist of wanting to constantly show drawings and crafts made by the child, in adolescence happens to be singing in the dining room where everyone is pretending that only practice, or get to discuss issues that neither interest them nor those who know a minimum of information.

However, this signal is less obvious than the previous ones, and it has to be analyzed in its context to find out if it really appears because of jealousy.

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Tips to prevent or solve the problem

Among the steps to follow to combat jealousy between siblings, the following stand out.

1. Dedicate time

Much of the jealousy appears before the fear of being forgotten, left out by the family. Therefore, it is important to clearly give the message that the existence of the brothers or sisters does not mean that their value diminishes, and as nothing speaks as much as the acts, it is best to exercise this affection through everyday shared moments .

2. If a little brother or sister is going to be born, plan the transition

In cases where a baby is going to be born, it is good to prevent problems by explaining that, due to the special needs of that person who will come into the world, will have more people pending than those who have been growing for some time. To help you in this task, it may be helpful to use photos or videos that show how baby was the child to whom we addressed our explanations, so that you see how they treated him.

3. Let him tell you how he feels

Not everything has to consist of giving messages unilaterally. Let it be expressed, to tell you their fears or possible reasons for discomfort . The support is felt both by sharing good moments and by being there as support in the bad ones.

4. Give him a role in raising a brother or sister

If the person for whom you can develop jealousy is younger or of a similar age, It is good to entrust the task of helping to raise her . In this way, another meaning is given to those care that the other receives, and becomes part of a stimulating mission in which, in addition, the child who was previously jealous shares roles with adults (though, of course). way much more limited than these, and adapted to their physical and psychological characteristics).