Profile of the psychological abuser: 21 features in common
Unfortunately, abuse is a phenomenon that can occur in interpersonal relationships, be it a couple, family or between schoolmates (bullying) or work (mobbing).
A very common form, and one that is less visible than physical abuse, is emotional abuse. In this article we will review the characteristics of a psychological abuser .
- Related article: "The 30 signs of psychological abuse in a relationship"
Psychological abuse causes serious mental problems for the victim
And is that psychological abuse can be silent at times, however, it is devastating for the person who suffers it . Low self-esteem can be both a cause and a consequence of this phenomenon manifesting, but, in addition, the person who is the victim of emotional abuse usually suffers serious problems, such as stress, anxiety, depression and even addiction to psychoactive substances.
But, How are abusers? What characteristics do they present? Below you can find a list with the most common traits or habits of the abuser.
1. They are intolerant
Intolerant people do not respect the opinions, attitudes or behaviors of others. They are people full of prejudices. This causes them to react aggressively, resentful and uneducated , since they consider that there is no reason to prevent their own will from prevailing. They tend to be sexist.
- If you want to know the characteristics of intolerant individuals, you just have to visit our article: "Intolerant people share these 12 defects"
2. They are charming at the beginning
But these people are not intolerant at first, but rather They are charming in the initial phases of the relationship . They know how to behave, and their true "I" may take a while to appear. As the trust with the other person increases, then they show destructive behavior.
- Related article: "The 6 signals to detect a false friend"
3. They are authoritarian
Batterers are authoritarian because they are characterized by undemocratic and intransigent traits . They are lovers of order, but from a subjective point of view, that is, based on their personal criteria. It does not matter if they are right or not, because if you do not obey them, they become angry.
- Maybe you're interested: "Autocratic (or authoritarian) leadership: advantages and disadvantages"
4. They are psychologically rigid
These individuals have a rigid thought and pursue a single truth, theirs . They are not people who dialogue and who seek consensus, but they are afraid to give in to the opinions of others, because they consider that only they are right. Everything that does not fit your thinking is wrong, and thus ensure that the only existing truth is yours.
On the other hand, these people tend to think of relatively rigid and watertight categories, which makes it easier for them to empathize little with others, even when there are reasons to do so.
5. They present dichotomous thinking
Being psychologically rigid, everything is fine or bad for them . There is no middle ground. In other words, everything is white or everything is black. This happens because, generally, the abusers have grown up in families that have treated them like this.
6. They are blackmailers
This type of persons they always behave according to their interests and blame, inconvenience and cause fear to the victim of blackmail . They often make the victim feel guilty for things that he has not even done or things that he has done but that are not necessarily wrong.
- Maybe you're interested: "Emotional blackmail: a powerful form of manipulation in the couple"
7. They do not self-criticize
As they are psychologically rigid people and believe that there is only one truth, they do not know how to fit the criticisms. This happens because any criticism is perceived as a berth to their identity and their way of interpreting reality, they do not consider the possibility that it can be a constructive contribution.
The victims of their abuse pay their lack of social skills and their sense of failure, becoming their scapegoat. Also, of course, psychological abusers do not self-criticize , or at least not in a systematic way and unless they come across an experience that forces them to make a radical change in their way of seeing things.
8. Instead, they criticize
Even though these people do not self-criticize, yes they criticize others with great ease . They look for the other person's faults and crush them emotionally with their weakness, and even invent a weakness to make the victim feel bad.It is not constructive criticism, but an action oriented to make someone feel bad to enjoy their reaction or to submit.
9. They change their mood in seconds
Mood swings are common in this type of person , that go from a pleasant state to anger or anger in a matter of seconds. Therefore, they can live in two extremes, from being charming to becoming horrible people.
10. They are easily offended
These mood swings are often due to their hypersensitivity and to they usually feel offended easily . It has already been said that if something does not fit with its truth, then it is wrong.
11. Disconnect the victim
The isolation of the victim from his family and friends is one of the objectives for which the abuser forces the victim to total submission. His idea is that the victim feels threatened and afraid to talk to other people .
12. They are cruel and insensitive
This type of people not only psychologically mistreat their partners, but also they usually extend this type of behavior, for example, with their children and can even infuse physical damage to pets . They are cruel and insensitive people.
13. They do not repent
They are people who do not regret what they do , and as explained in the previous point usually have this type of behavior with other people. That is why, among other things, it is a psychological profile that should be kept away, since there is not even the possibility of reconsidering too much.
14. They make false promises
Although they may seem repentant at times, these individuals tend to make false promises . They are experts in asking for forgiveness but, in reality, they do not regret it. Its going to change has no value, because at the minimum they act the same.
15. They are controllers
They are people who have the need to feel superior and control others . Although they are insecure people and are afraid of being unmasked, control becomes their alidade. This is the way to have everything tied up, so that nothing escapes from your hands.
16. They do not have emotional control
Despite wanting to control others, they do not have emotional control . In fact, many people are totally illiterate emotionally. That is why they behave impulsively, without reflecting on their inner life.
17. They do not stop
Not having a great capacity for reflection, are people who do not stop for nothing , for them the end justifies the means. They are people who can even act stealthily in public places, turning the life of the victim into a real ordeal.
18. They are seductive
Being charming people at first usually conquer their victim . In fact, they are people who seduce easily and have a great capacity for seduction.
19. They are liars
Obviously, manipulators are not honest people . This makes them expert liars, which releases one lie after another. In fact, they rarely tell the truth, because they are always waiting to hurt the other person.
20. Become the victim
As they are always blaming the other person, they usually adopt the role of victim to justify their actions . For example, pronouncing phrases like "you do not love me, because you are always more aware of your friends". The psychological damage actions are continuous, but they do not necessarily have to be direct. Some come masked from false victimhood.
21. Low empathy
Abusers are not empathic . What does this mean? Well, they do not recognize the emotions of others or connect with them. This allows them to make the victim suffer without having any kind of resentment.