Divorce in maturity: keys to know how to face it
The stage of maturity has been and continues to be studied by psychology, and although there is no rule that defines exactly what is maturity in its entirety, psychology has been used as an interdisciplinary science of a variety of constructs in order to gather and give a definition not only psychological but integrative of what this stage of life involves.
The dictionary of the Spanish Royal Academy defines the maturity as that stage in which the vital fullness has been reached and has not yet reached old age . The theorists have come to the conclusion that the maturity fluctuates between 45 to 65 years and is for many the stage where the responsibilities (family or work) are gradually ending: those who formed a family in their youth, for example, see how their children form new families and move away from home.
In short, maturity is a stage of transition that all human beings are destined to live. A phase in which people, in general, have achieved a large part of their professional, family, social, academic goals, etc. Of course, that does not mean that it is exempt from crises and potentially problematic phenomena.
The crisis of divorce
Among the many crises and problems that usually occur at this stage, there is one that has been on the rise in the last 10 to 15 years: The divorce . The possibility of experiencing this stage usually increases in this stage of life, a phenomenon with a multi-causal origin and over which it is not always easy to intervene from psychology.
Interestingly, about two decades ago it was less common to think about a divorce in this vital stage. Although there were cases, it was not the alternative to choose if there were conjugal problems, as many people considered that this stage is where couples life can be enjoyed more and more easily. Time to enjoy the company of the spouse with privacy, in short.
Social and even religious issues have gone into the background and divorce has taken force to such an extent that it is considered the most viable option when you no longer want to live with your partner.
What can be the causes of divorce?
A divorce can not be explained by a single cause, but there are certain aspects that influence more than others. For example, several experts in mental health claim that one of the causes of divorces in middle age or later is due to what they have called the empty nest syndrome, which consists of the feeling of loneliness and abandonment that some parents can experience or guardians when the children stop living in the same home and / or form a family.
Experts point out that the majority of couples focus more on parenting and less on the relationship, and when the children complete their cycle within the family and the parents are left alone, they discover their spouses in full, with all its pleasant and unpleasant aspects that were not noticed before. If, in addition, within the relationship there have been conjugal problems that have not been solved (infidelities, conflicts in the distribution of tasks, etc.), the syndrome becomes the fastest way to terminate the marriage or the conjugal relationship .
Fit the divorce with integrity
A divorce at this stage of maturity it tends to be very painful , since the idea of arriving alone at old age terrifies many people. Not having a company, not having physical or emotional support, can be devastating.
In this sense, for example, the magazine British Medical Journal, published a study in people of mature age, where it was stated that loneliness caused by widowhood, separation or divorce, rises the risk of suffering cognitive deterioration later in the lives of people. This can be interpreted as an effect of the social and affective impoverishment that some of these people can experience.
Love may end, but a much more difficult task arises after all this stage. And it is to break the emotional bonds that have united us to that person for years, a difficult task to cope with.
Can a divorce be avoided?
Each pair has its history and can not give an exact and correct formula to this question since each pair is very different. Anyway, the question "can you avoid a divorce?" It is itself a sign of a problem: consider that under certain conditions a member of the couple may be able to decide for the other person .
What it is about is to make a good balance of the needs and objectives that the other person can have, and apply self-criticism to see in which points it is oneself that is favoring the appearance of conflictividade s . And, if the other person wants a divorce, respect their decision.The divorce becomes an ordeal when one of the two parties does not want to accept it, and refuses to take a step to the side of the relationship.
What to do if a divorce occurs at maturity?
Yes, divorce is a very difficult stage, but the attitude we take before it will be essential to not transform this crisis into something greater. The objective must be pass through the divorce peacefully and with an appropriate self-regulation of emotions .
When someone goes through a divorce, it will always be necessary for people of great confidence to be in those moments, people who serve as emotional support and who, due to their experience and affective ties towards the person, are very suitable to listen and attend to the person who goes through this painful stage. Empathy plays an important role.
For it, it's good to let them know that you need their support (if it is needed) so that they can act accordingly by being informed: some people may assume that their attempts at rapprochement and comfort may be ill-received.
However, in some cases staying calm will sometimes be impossible. When the situation becomes unsustainable it is better to seek professional help.
Once the divorce process is over, it is advisable to carry out sports activities if in the case of the person can do it, or r perform any activity that breaks the routine and that is pleasant . It is also useful to work to improve self-esteem, which may have been compromised during the divorce.
- Graig, G. J. and Baucum, D. (1999): Psychological development. Mexico D.F: Pearson.
- Berger, K. S. (2008): Developmental Psychology: Adult and Old Age. Madrid: Editorial Panamericana.
- Caballo, V. (2010): Therapy and Behavior Modification. Faculty of Psychological Sciences University of Guayaquil.