The 8 benefits of assertiveness: what are they?
Assertiveness is a communication strategy that allows us to defend our rights and express our opinion freely and clearly from our own and others' respect. Now ... what is useful, exactly, in our day to day?
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Learn to say "no"
The assertive person knows to say "no" and is able to show their opinions and positions clearly (for example, manifesting a reasoning in order to justify an idea, a feeling or a request). The assertive person expresses understanding towards the visions, feelings and demands of others. Know their own rights and defend them trying not to go "to win", but to reach an agreement.
His speech is fluid and safe. Maintains direct eye contact (without being challenging) and a relaxed body position. It also has the capacity to disagree openly giving shape to their own tastes and interests, asking for clarifications and saying "no" when necessary. The feelings that are often associated with the assertive person respond to a good self-esteem, a feeling of emotional control and a high satisfaction in personal relationships.
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What characterizes the passive communicative style?
The passive person shows little ambition, few desires and principles. Defend others but do not defend their personal interests . The behavior that we usually observe is characterized by a low tone of voice, a little fluent speech and the avoidance of eye contact.
The submissive person denotes an important insecurity about the discourse itself ("what I can say is not important") and its figure in relation to others ("I do not participate so as not to disturb"), at the same time that it manifests frequent complaints to third parties ("this person does not understand me") ). The most recurrent feelings of the passive person are related to impotence, guilt, frustration, and low self-esteem.
And what characterizes the aggressive communicative style?
The aggressive person defends excessively personal rights and interests without taking into account those of others (sometimes, he does not take them into account, sometimes he lacks the skills to face certain situations). The behavior that we often observe from this communicative style is a high tone of voice, a sharp speech, a fast and precipitate conversation rhythm, a challenging eye contact, and a clear tendency to counterattack.
Some of the thoughts that the aggressive person can present are: "what you think does not interest me, only I matter", "I do not make mistakes", "people should be like me", etc. Growing anxiety, loneliness, guilt, the feeling of lack of control, frustration and low self-esteem are feelings that are intimately linked.
What could be the reason for the lack of assertiveness?
There are four main causes by which a person can present assertiveness problems :
The first cause is observed when the person has not learned to be assertive or has done it in an inappropriate way. Behaviors or skills to be assertive are learned; they are habits or behavior patterns . There is no innate assertive or non-assertive personality.
Assertive behavior is learned by imitation and reinforcement (parents, grandparents, tutors and friends are some models). In the learning of a non-assertive person, there may have been a systematic punishment to assertive behaviors , a lack of reinforcement to them, or that the reinforcement towards passive or aggressive behaviors has been greater (for example in the case of a passive person who, thanks to the fragility, has received extra attention).
The second cause appears when the person knows the appropriate behavior but the anxiety prevents him from carrying it out . In this case there is an association with highly unpleasant / traumatic experience / s that has been able to limit or block the assertive response.
The third cause is that in which the person does not know or reject their rights (for example, the result of an education that has made that individual submissive).
And finally the fourth cause we see it when the person has irrational thought patterns (concrete mental patterns and associated beliefs) that prevent you from acting assertively.
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Is it related to self-love?
Being assertive helps us to be treated with respect and dignity, to express our own feelings and opinions, to be heard, to know how to say without feeling guilty, to make requests, to be independent, to enjoy and enjoy, to feel relaxed and to dedicate a time for us.
The fact of establishing a little assertive communication can cause interpersonal conflicts, frustration, feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, tension, loneliness, and loss of control. With an assertive communication style one solves problems more easily, feels more relaxed, more at ease with himself, satisfied and, in this way, gets what he wants more easily without generating conflicts.
Can we train this habit?
Of course. Remember that we are not born being assertive people, Assertive behavior is learned . A good way to start being assertive is to use the following phrases when starting a conversation:
- I think…
- My opinion is…
- I would like…
The objective is develop a speech and offer a space when interacting with others in order to allow and allow yourself to be heard.
The benefits of assertiveness
Being an assertive person has a number of benefits. They are the following:
- Assertiveness allows us to have a greater sense of control over the environment and about ourselves .
- Having control over oneself and setting limits improves self-esteem.
- Assertiveness does not seek conflict, but is based on efficient communication and, therefore, empowers the person.
- It improves well-being and life satisfaction and helps to live more rewarding situations and experiences.
- Improves communication between the actors in a relationship.
- Causes an improvement in interpersonal relationships which is the result of better communication, honesty and sincerity.
- Improves self-knowledge and emotional management.
- It allows resolving conflicts and preventing problems from being magnified as a result of the non-expression of one's needs and emotions.
