Why do we feel more alone each time
Feeling a certain sense of loneliness is something perfectly normal In day to day. There are situations that make us feel isolated, such as preparing for an opposition or thinking about death. These are perfectly normal forms in which fully human feelings are expressed.
However, it is one thing to feel alone from time to time and another thing is to transform solitude into a way of life, voluntarily or involuntarily. The second can drag us into a pathological situation, significantly increases stress levels and increases the chances of dying relatively soon.
These data are especially worrisome considering that many investigations point to a mass social phenomenon: during the last decades, and especially the young people of the millennial generation, the feeling of loneliness has spread in an incredible way .
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Loneliness extends
According to the American Social Survey data, the number of people who say they have no close friends it has tripled during the last decades since the 80s; In fact, the most frequent answer to the question of how many solid friendships one has is "zero", something that answered about a quarter of the individuals surveyed.
Similarly, the average number of people with whom the average American claims to be able to talk about important things has gone from three to two.
This kind of data, also found in many other Western countries, shows us to what extent loneliness is transforming into a kind of psychological epidemic . But why does this happen? The psychologist Caroline Beaton offers two explanations that complement each other.
The feeling of isolation is contagious
Beaton draws attention to the fact that loneliness is not something that affects only the person who experiences it in his own skin; It also leaves a mark on others. Individuals who feel this way they usually adopt a defensive attitude and, on average, they act in a slightly more hostile or distant way than would be expected.
In fact, many times their isolation is self-constructed; at the slightest sign that the relationship with a person has stagnated a bit or is not as intense as before, they abandon that relationship, giving it for lost . This can happen even in a matter of minutes, in a conversation; When the dialogue loses fluidity, the person who feels lonely retires prematurely, although seconds before she would have been very interested in the exchange of ideas.
The result of this is that the person with whom you relate who feels lonely ends up experiencing this feeling as well, and learns this relational style.
Once someone has experienced solitude through the eyes of another, he adopts that perspective and tends to reproduce it in his daily life. The reason is that, just like those who feel alone, they move to distrust their criteria when it comes to recognizing positive reactions of others in social situations; As a sincere smile can be followed by a withdrawal, you are no longer sure when the dialogue is going well and when it is not.
The impact of the Internet
The other great cause of the epidemic of loneliness is, according to Beaton, the normalization of the use of the Internet as an environment that replaces social relationships face to face .
Feeling that you are in connection with others through the network of networks is very addictive, because it is something that can be done from home, or at any time and place, and allows to avoid much of the consequences of social failure . However, the Internet is a substitute for social relations, and that is why its effects, in spite of being immediate, vanish when we move away from the technological devices that allow us to be online.
While the friendship ties forged by face-to-face dialogues and physical contact leaves a trace that is experienced even when the other person has not been seen for days, the links maintained through the Internet are much more superficial and less significant, so you have to be constantly feeding them so as not to experience again the feeling of loneliness.
Thus, on the one hand the Internet offers a substitution of friendship ties with immediate and inexpensive effects, and on the other, the time spent on these connections avoids the creation of face-to-face friendships. In fact, something as simple as having a Smartphone nearby makes a meeting of friends significantly less stimulating.
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How to prevent mass loneliness?
To reverse the effects of this generalization of loneliness it seems essential to educate in the use of new technologies and social skills. This involves setting certain standards with regard to the use of tablets and smartphones, but also to help the self-esteem is not damaged by interactions that are perceived as a failure or a waste of time.
