11 characteristic symptoms of emotional codependency
Emotional codependence is a very harmful symptom for couple relationships, because when one's happiness depends on other people, one stops being who he really is and is not able to express his true self. Emotional codependency, as with emotional dependence, is synonymous with a toxic relationship.
That is why it is good to know how to manage this phenomenon where it occurs; After all, our well-being is at stake.
- Related article: "23 signs that you have a 'toxic relationship' of a partner"
Difference between emotional codependence and emotional dependence
Many individuals think that emotional dependence and emotional codependence are synonymous. But ... is it really like that? Nothing is further from reality. Emotional dependence and emotional codependence, although they are related, are different concepts.
The dependent person is one who, due to the dysfunctional characteristics of his personality, depends on another person to be happy, and uses this person to fill the void he feels in his life. He is unable to back down even though his situation is conflictive and has no future. Emotional dependence occurs in one of the members of the couple , but the other does not have to be dependent. Dependent individuals manipulate their partner to benefit from their low autonomy, their lack of empowerment and their low self-esteem.
However, emotional codependency takes place when a member of the couple is "addicted" to his partner's dependence and, therefore, to the need to help and care for their welfare.
Codependency is not altruistic behavior
The codependent person it's a kind of quieter controller and manipulator , who spends all his time waiting to get what he thinks his partner needs. In this attempt to protect the other he stops being himself.
Your intention may seem altruistic, but in reality it is not. Codependent relationships are not healthy relationships and have a negative effect on the happiness of the person who is codependent and the couple, but also affects their work, their health and even other interpersonal relationships.
- Related article: "The 7 keys to have a healthy relationship"
Symptoms of this type of dependence on the couple
Emotional codependence it's a relational style that needs to be corrected , and it is a way of thinking in which the person has the belief that he must sacrifice his welfare for others, regardless of the consequences.
Codependents have a series of characteristics or signals that must be detected for the proper functioning of the relationship. They are the following:
1. They feel responsible for the feelings of the couple
Codependents They spend all their energy to meet the needs of their partner and they are constantly making sacrifices in their relationship. Although it is not bad to do some acts of love for the couple and help them when they are having a bad time, there must always be a balance.
Although the couple of the codependent person can be dependent and have low self-esteem, the codependent does everything possible for the couple, leaving aside their own needs.
2. They get carried away by the emotional part rather than rational
Actually, codependents they do not have the ability to solve their lover's problems , but they let themselves be carried more by the emotional than rational part. They have a deficit in their interpersonal relationships, for example, in terms of assertiveness; and despite sacrificing their welfare for the other, they do not achieve their purpose because they are not mentally strong people.
- Related article: "12 characteristics of mentally strong people"
3. They feel used and victimized when things do not go well
Since their behavior is not altruistic, co-dependent people often feel used and unappreciated by everything they do for their partner. The codependent will use a lot of energy to take over the life of another , all under the guise of altruism and wanting to help sincerely. When help or advice is ignored or unappreciated, the codependent feels angry and mistreated.
Thus, it is common to resort to emotional blackmail, as a desperate attempt to make the ties that keep the relationship together stay strong. Unfortunately, this strategy does not just cause discomfort in the other person; in addition, it achieves the opposite effect to that intended, since it is clear that it is a form of manipulation, often even when one agrees to do what the other wants and it seems that in the short term that strategy has taken effect.
4. They have unclear boundaries
This type of individuals take everything as something personal, since the limits of the emotional codependent are unclear.The limits are a kind of imaginary line between the members of the couple, in which each one knows how far he has to go so as not to hurt the other.
This makes sense, for example, for intimate relationships or belonging, but also in feelings, thoughts and needs. In this sense, they have unclear boundaries. On the one hand they give everything for the couple, but on the other they blame them and they throw everything at face to face with the minimum of change.
5. They are controllers
Codependents they use manipulation or blame to control the behavior of others. These tactics may be unconscious, but in the end the vacuum and the need to feel useful makes you a controlling person, who constantly seeks to offer help even if the other person does not need it. Therefore, in reality it does not offer real help, but rather aims to satisfy its own needs through this behavior that seems altruistic.
6. They are obsessive
Co-dependent individuals spend too much time thinking about other people and how they will be . All this is caused by their dependence, their anxiety and their fears. They may also become obsessed when they think they have made or could have made a mistake, because they value themselves negatively and do not tolerate frustration.Thus, one of the central elements of the mental state of these people is anticipatory anxiety.
- Related article: "Obsessive personality: 8 habits that lead to obsession"
7. They have low self-esteem
To value negatively is frequent in this type of individuals. One of the main causes of this phenomenon is that they have low self-esteem. They are people who, in addition to codependents, are dependent on the situation and they fear rejection, because they do not feel comfortable with themselves .
8. Poor social skills
They are also people who do not usually have very developed social skills and, therefore, channel much of their energy into a single individual. Helping others is positive, but in this context of social skills deficit, providing help becomes a great dependency which aims to feel valued and appreciated .
- Related article: "The 14 main social skills to succeed in life"
9. They deny reality
They are people who often deny reality, especially in front of the problems of the couple and the relationship . Although they are very aware of helping their lover or lover and paying close attention, they have poor problem-solving abilities.
10. Are trapped in a toxic relationship
Due to low self-esteem, these individuals are often trapped in an unsatisfactory and toxic relationship, even when they realize that it does not benefit them. The codependent people they spend too much time trying to change their partner , because in reality they are the ones who have a problem to change.
11. They are not emotionally intelligent
These individuals lie to themselves and excuse themselves for the bad behavior of others. Since they avoid their own feelings and have a poor capacity for self-knowledge and reflection, they develop techniques to lie to themselves about the behavior of others.
They do not know themselves, regulate their emotions or have good communication skills. In short, they are not emotionally intelligent.