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Do men need to feel wanted?

Do men need to feel wanted?

July 20, 2022

As far as relationships are concerned, men have always had the most competitive role : the one to find a couple that adapts to its particularities. Women, on the other hand, have traditionally adopted a much more passive role, limited to accepting or not accepting their suitors.

In other words, the man had to make the woman experience euphoria when feeling wanted, and the opposite was very unusual.

However, in the new time the gender roles have changed and their differences have diffused a lot. Has this change also affected the way in which men experience sexual and loving life? Do they need to feel wanted like women, or is there something in the male mind that remains unchanged regardless of how the times evolve?


Expressing the attraction

Any representation of the conqueror and the male "gallant" presents the same stereotypical characteristics: a person who, when dealing with women, only uses his wit and his ability to improvise to find new ways to make it feel important and desired. From offering help to perform the simplest actions (sit, climb stairs) to offer constant compliments.

The idea is, although it sounds simple (because it really is), add to the attractiveness itself the pleasant experience of feeling seductive in the company of that man in question . This makes the idea of ​​feeling wanted to be seen as an "extra", something that is received from outside and that increases the predisposition to have a relationship with someone. But ... could it be that that same feeling was a man's need, something he does not normally receive?


This is, at least, what some investigations suggest; Man also highly appreciates feeling wanted as part of the romantic or sexual experience.

Who takes the initiative, men or women?

In qualitative research conducted with the help of 26 young men who volunteered, the results showed that approximately 40% of them not only did not value positively the idea of ​​having sexual relations without feeling wanted, but also resisted assuming the idea that they should always be the ones who showed interest in the other person unilaterally.

That is to say, although traditional roles still have influence, they could be masking a significant number of men who question the idea that it is women who should "let themselves be seduced".

In another study with similar characteristics, the number of men who showed preferences for equal treatment in the "contact" with an unknown or relatively unknown person was 72%. That is to say, in this case, the majority of participants expected a more active attitude from the woman that would give them the feeling they wanted, instead of simply being the ones who open the conversation and take the reins of dialogue and rapprochement.


In addition, the number of men who claimed that the traditional role of "gallant" demanded too much of them and was unsatisfactory was a majority among that percentage of the participants; simply, were of the opinion that there is no valid reason for women to remain in a passive position without showing signs that the person in front of you is attracted to him.

Receiving compliments

Making compliments about the positive qualities of men is not usually a seduction strategy characteristic of women, compared to what the opposite sex does. However, changes in gender roles seem to be weakening those behavioral differences that underpin the custom of knowing potential romantic or sexual partners, so this seems to be changing.

And in what way does this evolution take place? For now, in the minds of men, and possibly in a short time in the way women approach the search for sporadic or stable partners.

For example, they can initiate approaches to strangers, express what they like about the other person (be it physical or psychological), show no taboos about sex and Take the initiative in making decisions about plans that can be made on an appointment .

The stigmatization of the woman who conquers

However, for this change to occur it is important that the stigma of the woman who behaves in a masculine way disappears and that, in the context of affective and sexual relations, has to do with the bad image of female promiscuity.

The machismo that remains in the culture, even in Western countries or with great Western influences , it causes women who express attraction and interest in men to face an important stigma that has serious repercussions on the way in which their social circles treat them.This stigma acts as an anchor that prevents not only men from having the responsibility to take the initiative always but, more importantly, that women can feel comfortable expressing their sexuality.

  • Related article: "Micromachismos: 4 subtle samples of everyday machismo"

Men need to be Needed Women need to be wanted (July 2022).


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