How do your expectations influence your relationship?
Have you ever felt dissatisfaction in your relationship? it's possible that this is because you have different expectations in relation to your relationship .
In this article we will explore exactly this topic: how our expectations about the couple's relationship cause us to live the latter in a certain way, for better or for worse.
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Expectations in the couple's relationship
From childhood we form in our minds concepts of how the world works, how things are around us and, of course, how a couple should "be". For example, there are many people who believe that man has to be the one to take the initiative, to conquer, etc.
In fact, a large number of studies point out that the central aspect of relationships is not the characteristics of our partner or the present moment that we live with her, but the idealized perception and the expectations we have about our relationship (García Figueroa, 2005).
According to Galindo (2002), the expectations that are had about the couple are one of the factors that influence the choice of a couple or another. And these expectations they work as conflict triggers and even leading couples to divorce. Why does this happen?
It seems that we perceive reality influenced by our desires and needs , ascribing attributes that help us to overcome these obstacles in life. The risk involved in basing a relationship on the satisfaction of our expectations is dangerous, because we can meet our unfulfilled expectations and as a gift, a love failure. Is not it to think twice?
The worst of all is that it is something that people do not know and does not even consider when they start their relationship. That is, there are many couples who are united by the attraction of a first moment, and that is how, without a word of what it is that each one expects from the other, the relationship begins. These two people will not notice their different expectations until a conflict arises. A conflict? Why? For anything.
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The spark that ignites the conflict
If one of the members begins to see that their partner does not behave according to how a boyfriend or girlfriend should act, this will already be a reason for discussion . The more they differ between the expectations and concepts of what a relationship should be, the worse; greater will be the disagreements. People are disappointed or more satisfied with their relationship as their expectations are fulfilled.
The Journal of Family Psychology published an investigation by Sivan George-Levi comparing the expectations of couples with the satisfaction they showed. The results showed that People who expected too much from their relationships were constantly unsatisfied .
How does it hurt you to have too high expectations?
The expectations of how a couple has to be are formed at a very early age, based on what they have told us, we have seen around us or even in the movies. Too high expectations of how the behavior of the other has to be can lead to, obviously, the person does not conform to our demands . This inevitably will cause a conflict in the couple, so it is convenient to review if what we ask is, in reality, realistic.
How does it hurt you to have too low expectations?
If this is your case, be careful. Having low expectations can lead you to not demand anything from your partner. You keep saying "well, this is what there is" and you end up conforming with little when you could have much more. Do not fall into this trap . Also, if you do not demand, you may not get and believe that it is because life or your partner is like that. Do not settle for less.
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How does it hurt you not to have expectations?
Without expectations you do not know what you want. And if you do not know what you want ... how are you going to go for it? How are you going to tell your partner what things are wrong or not? That you do not realize it does not mean that you do not have expectations. Even when a person has a sporadic relationship and says he has no expectations with the other person, he has them; in this case, the idea of having a good time and leaving. What do you expect from the other person? Nothing. A "no commitment". That the other person does not behave like a couple with whom he has a commitment. And that is an expectation. Have you ever considered this?
The need to find the emotional balance
If you notice that your partner and you have different expectations regarding your relationship, it may be time to address the issue directly. Exposing your opinions will help you to have things clear as to what you can expect from the other, as well as not to be frustrated when your wishes are not fulfilled and to understand the behaviors and attitudes of your partner.
Bibliographic references:
- Galindo Leal, H. (2002). Unfulfilled prenuptial expectations and their relationship with marital failure (Master's Thesis). Autonomous University of Nueva León, Monterrey (Mexico).
- García Figueroa, A. V; Sánchez Aragón, R. (2005). Expectations: Construction of an ideal? In the II Encuentro partiticipation of women in science. Conference held on the 25th anniversary of UNAM, Mexico.
- Sánchez Aragón, Rozzana; (2009). Expectations, perception and maintenance strategies in love relationships. Teaching and Research in Psychology, July-December, 229-243.
