How to handle and overcome a love break, in 8 keys
Love breakups are experiences that we all probably have or have gone through. It is also about experiences that can cause a lot of discomfort, at least for some of the parties involved. How can we overcome this discomfort?
Although it is a complex question, since it largely depends on the emotional resources of each person, and the history of each couple, in this article we will see some useful strategies to manage and overcome a love break .
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Why are love ruptures difficult?
It is normal that when it comes time to close a cycle, for example, when we have to say goodbye to something or someone, we get many unpleasant sensations. Sadness, anguish, fear, anxiety, anger they are some of the most common. The latter occur especially when the cycle has been closed by someone else, that is, when we have to accept a decision that we do not fully share.
Although, as we have said, it is a fairly common experience, what is also common is not knowing how to deal with it. This is normal, because we are normally accustomed to avoiding the negative sensations and the circumstances that cause us discomfort. However, to believe that we can avoid them completely has the consequence that we hardly learn to tolerate these circumstances and the emotions that accompany them .
If we also take into account that we are often socialized under the logic of romantic love, where the idea that love is suffering prevails; the process of going through a break is complicated. Likewise, and as a rupture, this is a process that involves a grief experience, where we often go through the stage of denying the closure, of getting angry and looking for the guilty, and finally accepting it. But, How can we move more easily from denial to acceptance?
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8 keys to manage and overcome a love break
Fortunately there are several things we can do, even when the difficult moment is already happening. Some of these things can accommodate some people, and not others. That is, they do not work the same for everyone; it is about testing them and finding comfort according to our own processes.
That said, here are 7 keys that can be useful in managing and overcoming a love break.
1. Search your support network
Both in the case of a break in love and in any grieving process, it is very important to have a support network, that is, people who accompany and listen to our difficult moments and help us compensate for the feeling of loss or loneliness. They can be family or friends and It is usually about people who have also accompanied the process of falling in love , although not necessarily.
It usually happens that when we get hooked on romantic love we take distance with our support networks, which is sometimes difficult to return to look for them once the relationship is over. It is complicated because it implies, among other things, accepting our vulnerability and also accepting if we have made a mistake. However, the return to family and friends can be an important step to go through the grieving process more easily.
2. Make significant changes
It is also common that when we are in a relationship we accumulate objects, gifts, photos, memories , between a series of material elements that symbolize the relationship and the affective bond. While these are objects that mean important things to us, these are also things that can lengthen the process of denial and anger, and therefore complicate the process of acceptance.
It is important then to take a time away from those objects. This distance can be translated into getting rid of them, but it can also be translated into changing places or saving them for a moment. Keep in mind that getting rid of them will cause unpleasant sensations, so it may be better to do this little by little. That is, get rid of one thing at a time, or start by moving them, then save them and finally throw them away; or not, depending on how we feel in our process.
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3. Create new habits
Related to the above, it is common to be in a relationship to create new hobbies, new tastes and even new interests. To get rid of all that is difficult because it is about activities that we internalize and that we put into practice daily.Detachment then involves making strong changes, which definitely can not happen overnight. It is important not to stop being active and to look for new things to do, even when the couple's cycle is over.
4. Recover old hobbies
We do not necessarily have to create new habits. It also works to recover the habits we had before being in the relationship. Whether or not it works depends to a large extent on how long the relationship has lasted, and how much we have changed in the course of it.
However, it can be a good exercise to think in retrospect and try to remember the activities we enjoy before starting the relationship, as well as try to get closer to those activities. That is to say, explore a little and see what we can enjoy again and what not .
5. Respect decisions
While we are in the process of denial and transition to acceptance, it is common for us to try to do whatever is necessary to "recover" the relationship. Usually this happens especially if we have not made the decision. So that, It is common that we strive to make it possible for the other person to "fall in love again" , or in other words, we easily fall into the logic of "fighting for love".
Here it is important not to confuse "recover" or "fall in love" with "harass". And do not confuse "love" with "possession", "pressure" or "obligation". Although the pain process can be very difficult to accept, it is important to respect the closures and decisions that have been made.
6. Practice tolerance to frustration
We must assume that relationships and emotional ties carry the risk of feeling discomfort. We can not blame others for that discomfort, it is common that while we are in the process of accepting the end of the cycle we look for the responsibility in the other person, both to have finished and to make us suffer or to alleviate that suffering. In order to reach acceptance we must take responsibility for our own discomfort and try to look for alternatives and tools beyond the person with whom we have shared a relationship.
7. Write how you feel
Something more specific that can work for some people to close their process is to say goodbye by writing a text to those who have had to leave. Given the It is often difficult to say what we feel , but not because it is difficult to stop feeling it, one possible measure to get rid of is to write it down. This can be in the form of a farewell letter, which may or may not be given to the other person, or it may simply be a text that allows us to express emotions that we sometimes do not recognize if we only think about them or if we only try to speak them.
8. Take your time
It is important to remember that processing a loss or end of cycle requires a time. For the same reason it is not necessary to press ourselves to overcome these changes from one day to the next. Some people can take a day and others can take many more.
Many times that process lengthens and becomes more stormy when we have the idea that we have already spent several days and we are still in the same situation. This does not mean that we do not take responsibility for ourselves, but it does mean that when we have experienced such a significant experience, it is normal for us to take a significant time also. learn to see that experience in a different way .