The 7 keys to have a healthy relationship
Sometimes it seems that couple relationships are a lot of work and they become horribly complicated. But if we stop to think, we realize that having a healthy relationship is very simple as long as the two members of the couple are able to put aside their own insecurities and bad experiences from the past.
In the couple relationships is where the most manifest affective deficiencies and the irrational beliefs that each of the people has been acquiring throughout their life history. Inadequate patterns learned in childhood are replicated and many times act through a biased way of seeing the world.
A culture that does not promote healthy love relationships
From my point of view, the society in which we live does not precisely favor healthy relationships . The songs, the movies of Disney, television series and romantic novels show us a conception of love that is not real and favor a series of beliefs about the relationships of couples they do not help to keep them in time in a satisfactory way.
In this article I want to talk about the keys to have a healthy relationship , of the keys so that two people, each with their personality, with their experiences and with their way of seeing life can contribute something to each other for a long time (sometimes, all of life).
What are the 7 keys to maintaining a healthy relationship?
If I had to say a single indicator of whether a relationship should continue, it would be as follows: Does your relationship add or subtract you? Does it help you to be better and to develop yourself as a person? Or on the contrary, it limits you and is a source of more discomfort than positive emotions?
1. Love always from freedom
Love from freedom means to be clear that the other does not belong to you , that the other is a person who freely decides to maintain a relationship with you and that therefore at any time is free to leave. Loving from freedom means accepting that the other has the right to make the decisions that he wants, and to choose what he wants to do with his life.
It means that everyone must have their private space, their privacy . Loving from freedom means that we want to share our life with the other, but that we do not need it. It means accepting that we are two different people and not a pack Two in one, means to leave our insecurities aside and get the other to be with us because he wants to and not through manipulations that prevent him from finding another person better. It means that our partner knows thousands of people but even so, he prefers us.
2. Learn to communicate
Good communication is one of the basic pillars of the couple, since the dialogue is what allows to create a project of life in common , where it is very important to negotiate, give in and reach agreements.
Proper communication can make discussions become constructive and unite the couple more and more, instead of separating and creating resentment. In addition to reserve a daily space to talk with our partner about anything is an excellent habit that will favor to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship.
The terrain where the most problems are inadequate communication is that of discussions . You can learn to discuss in a constructive way, in which we contribute our point of view with respect and explain how we are feeling, without the need to enter into a vicious circle of reproaches and accusations in which the most probable thing is that we end up discussing something that happened years ago, leaving aside the topic that made the discussion begin.
I leave you some guidelines for learning to discuss constructively :
- Discuss only one topic at a time.
- Talk about how you feel, do not accuse the other.
- Avoid generalizations (always, never, everything, nothing) and talk about a specific fact.
- Use a gentle tone and avoid discussing a topic when your level of anger is very high.
- Ask what you want, specify the change (eg: I would like the next time we went to my mother's house before lunch and not mid-afternoon).
- Do not enter into reproaches of the other person and ignore if he attacks you or changes the subject. (For example: That topic we can talk about if you want at another time, now I am trying to tell you that ...).
- Finish the criticism with something good (eg: I appreciate you have listened to me and I hope this issue is solved because I love being right with you).
- Practice assertive communication.
I know that doing this is really complicated, and that Sometimes what you want is to shout at your partner and throw objects throughout the house , but I assure you that if you breathe deeply, you expect your activation level to go down to talk and you use these guidelines you will get much better results.
3. Learn to think green
Each person has had different experiences and a different prior learning history, which is why they have a different personality and see the world in a different way than yours .
If you wear blue glasses and I ask you what color you see the world you will answer me blue, right? And surely no matter how hard I try to show you that it is yellow, and that you are not seeing it in the right way, it will be impossible for you to give me the reason because your world is really blue.
Our learning history makes us see the world in one color or another, and for us the world will simply be that color because we see it that way. The problem is when for one of the members of the couple the world is blue and for the other it is yellow, this is the time to think green .
You do not always have to agree on what your partner thinks, I think we are too stubborn to be right, when the ultimate goal is to solve the conflict.
When you detect that you both have completely different points of view, instead of continuing to argue for being right and getting away with it, proposes intermediate solutions in which both points of view are included . Neither blue, nor yellow, Green!
4. Share quality time with your partner
Share quality time with your partner is a key element so that the relationship does not end up submerged in the routine. I understand that sometimes we have a very busy life and practically live on autopilot without realizing what is happening around us, but reserve some time to share with your partner should be among your priorities if your goal is to maintain a healthy couple relationship.
Go out one day for dinner, a weekend getaway, your favorite movie with popcorn, etc ...
5. Never stop caring for the relationship
At the beginning of relationships we usually show our best part to the other, we are retailers, we say compliments, etc ... However with the passage of time these gestures tend to diminish until sometimes they disappear. Relationships are like plants, if you do not water them, they die. So if you want to keep your relationship fresh and colorful never stop watering it.
Something as simple as telling the other how handsome he is today, give him flowers, invite him to dinner, take him to the place where you met, etc ... he can keep the relationship for a long time in an excellent state.
6. When you want the other to change, change
I think we spent too much trying to change people, most of the time without getting any results. People only change when they want to change, or when their environment changes.
Therefore, if what we want is for our partner to change the best we can do is change us .
If we want you to leave so much with your friends, it will probably work better to thank you for the days that remain with you the whole afternoon than to reproach you every time you leave, if we want you to be more affectionate. What if we started showing more affection?
7. Respect and trust
Without respect and trust there is no possibility of a healthy couple. To love is to respect and trust , and without respect and trust there is simply no love.
Relationships based on jealousy and disrespect are destined failure. Not to mention cases of infidelity in marriage.
In summary, although we could add some more points, from my point of view these are the seven key points so that a couple relationship can work in the long term and be satisfactory for both members of the couple.