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Assertive communication: how to express oneself clearly

Assertive communication: how to express oneself clearly

August 8, 2022

In these times, there is much appeal to communication techniques, a tool that is necessary for the development of society, of the human being as a sociable being and that needs to interrelate in order to survive. Assertive communication is one of the main protagonists so that this can be given .

The ideology, the creed, the religion or any type of opinion, can be contrary depending on who is our interlocutor, the group that we belong or the social class to which we belong. Even within our identity group we can have differences of thoughts. This is where assertiveness comes into the picture.

  • Related article: "The 3 styles of communication, and how to recognize them"

Characteristics of assertive communication

We must begin by defining the concept of assertive communication first to understand its nature well. To begin with, assertiveness is that ability that people have who can say things frankly, directly and clearly about what we think or want to say.


All this, of course, avoiding hurt feelings of the interlocutor or the audience, being educated and not belittling the idea of ​​others. That is why the implementation of assertive communication is so complicated. We all offend each other when the other thinks or tells us something that goes against our integrity or thinking. On many occasions, it is the basis of any conflict, be it family or friendship, as well as in the professional field.

In short, assertive communication is the ability of the human being to communicate respecting others, taking into account the verbal capacity (discuss / discuss), non-verbal language (gestures / expressions) and attitude (respect). Above all, we must respect the rest if we want to earn the same attitude.


  • Related article: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

How to improve assertive communication, in 8 steps

Some people have integrated a more or less assertive way of communicating, however, it is not any innate quality. The personality of each one will make us assertive to a greater or lesser degree. Therefore, here are some steps to improve this skill.

1. Evaluation

We have to identify our oral capacity, our style. How do we discuss or argue? As in any type of solution, we must identify the problem. What prevents us from being more assertive? The language we use is very important. An aggressive style reduces the complicity of the other. A passive attitude, makes us lose ground in the affirmation of our ideas.

2. Learning to listen

It is one of the main requirements to perfect our communication methods. First of all, learn to listen to others, let them expose their ideas and do not interrupt them, keep eye contact and try to show expressiveness . All these steps are essential to gain the confidence of the receiver.


3. Speak in the first person

The most common mistake. We do not have to question the other by showing him that he is in error, making him see that he is wrong with those ideas that you do not share. Use the "I" as the vehicle element of your exhibition. Example: "I think this is so" and not "you're wrong". This little trick avoids the offense or the feeling of accusation.

4. Know how to say "no"

You have to know how to oppose an idea or conviction with the simple act of saying no. This without having to feel guilty, without making the other see that we deny their ideas. It is simply a way to reaffirm our point of view . Oddly enough, a wrong way to use denial often leads to destructive arguments.

5. Search for encounters

There are always points in common, always, however confronted a position or idea is with the other, there are elements that can lead us to converge. Finding points in common is a way of negotiating, to be able to get something positive avoiding extreme postures. In short, generate a win-win situation. Neither losers nor losers.

6. Body language

Assertive communication does not have to be exclusive of the use of speech or oratory. Body language can have a role that many obviate. The posture, the eye contact, the gestures with the hands, the smiles , they can behave with a kind and empathetic touch with the other.

7. Emotional control

This it does not mean that we hide emotions or expressions . You just have to avoid showing them in excess. For example, anger is very difficult to contain when we get angry in a discussion or debate, when we are disrespected. You have to know how to deal with these situations, and that way we will have a lot of livestock. Nor should we laugh at the other, show contempt.

8. Fit the criticism

The definitive element to be a good communicator. It is related to the previous point, and often, as human beings, We tend not to accept well the criticisms that come from others .

It is inevitable, but not impossible. When they criticize us, we must know how to accept it, self-criticism makes us gain trust and respect with others.


Assertive Communication for Better Relationships: Train yourself to communicate what you need to (August 2022).


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