How can I tell my partner that I do not want to go live with her?
Although each case is a world, the fact that two people maintain a relationship implies the existence of a situation in which both individuals profess the one for the other attraction and a series of feelings that make them want to stay together. Specifically, love implies the existence of a balance between components such as passion, intimacy and commitment.
As a general rule, a certain evolution tends to be expected and the acquisition of an increasing number of the last of these factors as the relationship progresses, one of the steps that usually occur move in together .
However, each person has their own rhythm and sometimes the idea of going to live together may come up too soon for one of the couple's components. If we are this person and we still do not feel prepared, or we do not really want to go live with him or her, the moment in which it arises to us can end up being a serious hurry. When asked "How can I tell my partner that I do not want to go live with him / her? ", in this article we will try to give a series of advice on what to do in this situation.
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I do not want to go live with my partner: how can I tell him?
Going to live together is something that many couples are very excited about and that usually implies an advance in the level of commitment in the relationship. Generally, those who propose coexistence usually do so with good intentions and as a way to try to have a closer and stable relationship.
Saying no to a proposition of this kind is sometimes tremendously complicated, especially if we love that person and we perceive that he really is excited and would like to live with us. But It is better to say no than to pretend to be excited or do something against our will. Below we give you a series of instructions on how to do it.
1. Analyze the reason for your reluctance
Before deciding anything, we must consider whether or not we want to live with our partner and why there are such doubts or that refusal. You have to be clear that not wanting to live with someone does not have to imply not loving that person, but you can also consider the possibility that we really do not see a future with him or her.
We may have afraid to assume a commitment greater than we have so far , that we have had previous unflattering experiences that make us doubt the viability of living together as a couple, that we do not know if we know enough about that person or, simply, that it is something that we do not want to do at the moment.
2. Do not respond with evasive
It is possible that before an intimation on the part of the couple of the idea of going to live together, fear or worry appears to be offended if we say no. Many people tend to respond with evasiveness or to change the subject. This only leads to a temporary avoidance of the problem to be faced and it will generate a greater level of tension in those who do it, as well as a lack of communication. The best thing is to try to face the situation and respond assertively.
3. Express yourself assertively, calmly and making your point of view clear
Directly linked to the previous one. We are trying to communicate to our loved one that we do not want to go live with this person, but without generating a couple conflict. It is advisable to establish the conversation calmly, not letting yourself be carried away by panic.
We have to make clear our point of view so that there are no misunderstandings , sincerely but with tact and trying not to offend the other person or hurt him. At the end of the day we do not want to go live with him, but that does not mean we do not want him. It is not necessary to give a solemn connotation at the moment, we can also do it in a relaxed way as long as the other person is receptive and depending on how he or she suggested it.
4. State that what you reject is not him / her, but living together
Many people, and especially if there is some basic insecurity, can come to believe that if we refuse to live with them it is because we do not really value them enough to be with them, that we do not take the relationship seriously or even directly that we do not want them It is not superfluous to make clear after the refusal that the rejection is towards living together at this moment, not towards the person in itself or towards the relationship with him or her.
5. A future possibility?
You can also consider that at this moment you do not intend to start a coexistence with the other person, but you may consider that in the future it is a desirable option. Communicating is usually positive. Of course, it is important that if it is said because it is true and not a simple excuse to get out of the way .
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6. Validate and accept your reaction
It will not be strange that a proposition of going to live together that is rejected is lived with discomfort or even with certain anger. As long as there is no violence, we should try to understand that the other person may feel offended . Being upset by a bad reaction would only make the situation worse and could end up in discussion. So, you have to try to validate your reaction.
7. Talk about why
It is possible that after analyzing the situation there is a specific reason why we do not want to live with that person. It may be too early , we may be afraid of possible changes in the relationship, that do not suit us financially or that we have a different future project.
This type of factors can be explored and it is important that they communicate in order to establish a fluid relationship in which the feelings, beliefs and expectations of both people are taken into account. In addition to the case that concerns us, it can also serve us to learn more about each other or even later to correct problems and insecurities.
8. Encourage expressing
In addition to understanding and validating the reaction of the other, it is advisable to make him say he thinks about it, so that both you can better understand the situation and assess what opinions you have about the situation or how you feel about it. This does not mean that you try to force her to speak if she does not want to, but to make it clear that her opinion is important to you.
