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Love me if you dare: high self-esteem in couple's love

Love me if you dare: high self-esteem in couple's love

April 29, 2024

For many people, having a partner and getting married is one of their main life goals. But Relationships are not always easy and can go through troubled times . If there is a variable that positively affects (or not) the solution to these conflicts, it is self-esteem.

  • Related article: "Low self-esteem? When you become your worst enemy "

High self-esteem in love: love me if you dare!

Self-esteem affects the day to day of people and their interpersonal relationships, and the facet of love and the couple is no exception. While Individuals with low self-esteem can become emotionally dependent subjects and can intoxicate the relationship, those who enjoy high self-esteem can even bully, because they are so well with themselves that they do not need anyone else to be happy. Sometimes they do not fit with the ideal person in love that appears in the movies, that is, that is pending of the couple 24 hours a day.


Those who have high self-esteem may come to be criticized because they give an image of "love me if you dare" , that is, they are not the classic people who want to be with someone at all costs (even when the relationship has no solution), but they enjoy their life to the fullest and make the most of it. For them, the couple is a traveling companion, and in their schemes there is no option to remain in a toxic relationship. These people, when they find someone with whom they fit, they really love, they love with "mature love".

  • Related article: "Mature love: why is the second love better than the first?"

Loving oneself is the key to loving others

The truth is that many movies, songs or novels are inspired by love, this feeling so intense that it is able to leave feelings and feelings that are hard to forget. This love that can seem so idyllic and magnificent, many times it is based on fantasy , in an image of perfection that is rarely fulfilled. Often, we create irrational expectations of how a person in love or our partner should be, something that can generate conflicts for not being able to fulfill these expectations.


In a healthy love, each member of the couple has their space , and each one must be well with himself. Without neglecting respect as a fundamental pillar in the relationship, it may not be well seen when a person is especially independent and pursues their dreams with great impetus and passion, because this irrational image about the love of which they speak can make us believe that we should be hooked on the couple, share everything and give 100%.

Now, if we give ourselves 100%, where is the percentage that is destined to our personal development and our individual happiness? When a person loves himself, he is able to love others .

Low self-esteem equals toxic people

If high self-esteem is key for love to succeed, low self-esteem is the opposite: the person does not feel good about themselves, and so on It's impossible for a relationship to work . There must be a balance in any interpersonal relationship, but one of the two is placed in a position of power that does not benefit the well-being of the couple.


In addition, people with low self-esteem turn the relationship into a conflictive situation , because the communication is seriously affected. They are people who cling to relationships like a burning nail, and have a great need to maintain the emotional bond and affect because they feel weak.

Toxic love, to which these people cling, has ten characteristics. They are the following:

  • Some of the members leave their family or friends aside.
  • They need the approval of others because they do not love each other enough.
  • They feel a great emotional dependence because they do not feel strong alone.
  • They become addicted to the couple.
  • It is an irrational love.
  • They are afraid of change .
  • It is a relationship in which manipulation appears.
  • It is possessive.
  • It makes you suffer.

The relationship also influences

In the previous examples it has been mentioned how self-esteem affects the good running of the relationship. However, love is a very intense feeling and is a very important part of our life, so the good or bad progress of the relationship also affects how we feel, and our self-esteem.

We can be very attached to a person and live unforgettable experiences, but when love is broken, our brain suffers and our vision of the world can change to take us to an existential crisis.There are few couples that end well, and especially in those cases in which there has been an infidelity, the person who is a victim of cheating can feel like a loser, something that, without a doubt, can have an impact on his assessment of himself. .

In the lack of love, in addition, a series of chemical reactions occur in the brain that can cause a neurochemical imbalance that requires a process of normalization, in which the person must be accustomed to be without his beloved and must learn to enjoy again of the pleasurable experiences of life. Scientific research concludes that when we go through a breakup process our levels of dopamine descend, something that is associated with depression or obsession.

Psychologists claim that it is necessary to stop seeing the exparej to until our neural circuits recover stability; otherwise, our self-esteem may suffer the consequences.

  • You can learn more about this topic in this article: "Psychology of love: that's how our brain changes when we find a partner"

How to improve in this aspect

Self-esteem is a set of beliefs, evaluations, perceptions and thoughts we have about ourselves. Although there is no magic formula to improve it, it is possible adopt a series of habits and attitudes that can allow us to be less critical of ourselves, accept the experiences that occur to us or learn from failures.

The first step to change is to become aware that you have low self-esteem and in extreme situations it is necessary to seek psychological help. However, in the article: "10 keys to increase your self-esteem in 30 days" you can find a list of tips that will help you to value yourself in a positive way.


Meet Yourself: A User's Guide to Building Self-Esteem: Niko Everett at TEDxYouth@BommerCanyon (April 2024).


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